Avoiding a Break-up

Avoiding a break-up . . .

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could avoid pushing him away when you’re not happy?

To be able to draw him close while still expressing that you don’t feel good?

Even if he’s the cause of your not so good feelings?

Well you can!

Even though arguments happen and people make mistakes, these situations don’t have to get in the way of love and connection!

The way to avoid ruining your love connection when you’re not happy with him (or a situation) is to take a different approach . . . to shift your perspective to a deeper feminine view.
When you’re in your masculine, you’re in your head.
Being in your head is thinking thinking and more thinking.

But being in your feminine is about FEELING. So it’s not about what you’re thinking, but instead, focusing on what you’re feeling in response to what was said, what was done, or what happened.

This is about responding with your feeling so that you avoid voicing what you’re thinking.
Responding from your feelings would look like: “I don’t like feeling this way.”

HOWEVER, be careful not to complain.

“Don’t Complain” is one of the major items on the Don’t Do List .
A man hears your complaints as “she thinks I’m wrong,” and complaints can quickly trigger his ego.

No matter how you dress it up . . .
Griping
Whining
Kvetching
. . . complaining is voicing or showing your dissatisfaction (it’s not venting) .

He doesn’t hear your complaints as “she feels bad.”
He hears “I can’t make her happy” or “Nothing can make her happy.”

Sometimes this can make him feel insufficient.

If you complaint a lot,
he interprets it as meaning
he’s unable to make you happy
or meet your needs.

SO HOW DO YOU AVOID COMPLAINING WHEN SOMETHING IS TRULY BOTHERING YOU?

A complaint actually comes from your negative voice.

Rather than voice it, it’s more helpful to process the underlying feelings and then share your feelings with him rather than a complaint.

This also means not thinking “complaint.”
Don’t even give energy to that thought.
Look to the feeling of what is bothering you.

If something he said or did (or didn’t do) has upset you, boil it down to your most basic feeling – sad, mad, glad, etc. Then, rather than think “I’m mad at him,” go even deeper into your negative thoughts and find the corresponding feeling and what triggered it.

For example, if you suspect he was talking to his ex on the phone lately and you notice that he turned his phone off and put it away – rather than complaining about him and his ex, or his phone being off, if you absolutely MUST say something, you can say
I feel so annoyed right now.”

This way, your focus is on what’s going on inside of you and you’re expressing something personal rather than something outside of you.

This isn’t an easy topic to handle. It takes some effort and soul searching. If you’ve been in the habit of complaining and you notice that your man is starting to pull away or distance himself from you, then this is a pattern you may want to explore more deeply and work on.

Love,

Tatia

 

 
 

 

 

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