Can Friends-With-Benefits (FWB) Become A Relationship?

fwb

Feminine energy woman relationship friends with benefits fwb more than just sex

feminine energy leaning back woman wanting more from friends with benefit

Tatia:

Your FB page is really nice and  helps me.  This message is asking you for your help.

I want more from the man I am involved with and I hope you can help me.  I’m very feminine and attractive.  I don’t nag or call him a lot.  Tim has been seeing me for 3 years.  He comes by every Friday night and we go out dancing or somewhere else and have a good time.  I let him make all the plans.  He sleeps over and we stay together until Sunday night when he leaves.  We have never had a fight.  Our intimacy is really good.  I’ve met his friends and his family.  My problem is I want to be in a relationship with him, but we are just FWB and it hurts. I don’t hear from him until he comes over on Fridays.  He will respond to my text messages sometimes, but he doesn’t call me.  He sometimes answers his phone when I call so I stopped calling.  I’m leaning back.  I  sneak and check his phone and didn’t see  no calls or texts from any other woman.  I feel bad for sneaking, but was happy to see nothing there.  Last week when he was leaving on Sunday I ask him if we can live together and he said he loves me but he’s not ready to commit to me.  I ask if he’s sleeping around and he said “We are close friends but we are not married.”  I was hurt and confused.   I didn’t say anything.  I just cried a little.  He was intimate with me again and kept saying he loves me.  He stayed  the night.  He’s never done that before.  I don’t want anybody else but him.  I want to live with him.   What can I do to be more to him than a friend that he loves? Marscia

(Marscia gave me permission to edit and reprint our email exchange)

Dear Marscia:

((((((HUGS)))))) to you.  I know how hurting that must have felt.
And how confusing it is to have a man say he loves you but doesn’t want to commit to you. I’ve been there before as well as many of my clients.

While it feels really bad, this is something we can work on together to help you.

feminine energy woman leaning back to stay in your feelings and not in your thoughts

It’s very good that you are in touch with your femininity and Leaning Back!!!
Remember to stick with the Don’t Do List and to not make him wrong. You’re doing great thus far!

I’m going to give you somethings you can do right now to get you started on changing your FWB to a relationship.

This change starts with you, because you can’t change him.  You can only inspire him to change.

You can allow his emotional connection with you to deepen by continuing to lean back.

It will become clear after a while if Tim is able to step up and meet your relationship needs.

feminine energy woman kiss

You’ve got to practice the following tools first to work on the changes in you that need to happen to turn this FWB situation into the type of relationship you want.

So you have to work on you and give him a chance to step up to meet your needs (if he can).

This is going to be long, so please be sure to print this out so you can read it over and follow each of the six steps this week.

Day One (today)
PROCESS YOUR FEELINGS

I know you’re going to still have feelings about the things that he said to you yesterday.  You need to work through those feelings and know what you’re honestly feeling deep down inside.

feminine energy woman feeling

This is how you work through your feelings:

Take a deep breath.

Breathe deeply again, pushing your stomach out.  Keep doing this until your stomach feels soft and not tense.

Roll your shoulders.

Let your arms hang at your sides and let their weight pull your shoulders down.
Keep doing this until your shoulders feel soft and not tense.

feminine energy woman Focus . . . on you

Sit quietly and reflect on what you’re feeling.
Feel all of your feelings in that moment.
Be honest with yourself about what you’re truly experiencing inside of you.

When you feel one thing, go deeper to see if there’s another feeling under that one.
For example you could feel angry, but going deeper, you could be feeling fear underneath that.

Feel where in your body you’re feeling it.

Say out loud everything you’re feeling and where in your body you feel it.

For example, say “I feel sad.  I feel it in my chest.  This sad feeling makes me feel like crying.

Write down your feelings on your smartphone or in a small book you can keep in your purse

Read over what you wrote about your feelings each night.


Day Two
PRACTICE SPEAKING YOUR FEELINGS

This is about being in touch with your feelings each possible moment.  When a man (any man)  asks you a question, respond with “I feel _____,” “It feels ______” or “It would feel ________.”

feminine energy woman speaking feelings

As you noticed before, you’re feeling several things at once at any given time. So speak the most positive feeling first.  Look for the good in your feelings.  If you don’t have my free report Reconnect With Your Feminine Power, please download it (it’s free) and read about the “stewing pot” on page 9.

Practice speaking this way as often as you can.  You can practice on different people you interact with on a daily basis.  This could be men at work, in a store, in a laundry mat, at the cleaners, in a deli  or in a restaurant.

This is an important practice because speaking this way will help you get better at expressing your feelings with Tim.  You can practice speaking this way with your girlfriends and family too so you can get better at it quickly.

 

Day Three
WIDEN YOUR VIEW EXERCISE

I understand that Tim is the man you want to be with.  I understand that you want to live with him.

But just for a minute, I want you to image that you’re standing in a crowded room with a whole bunch of men and that Tim is standing in front of you.

leaning back feminine energy woman widening her view

You have on your favorite outfit and your hair, nails and accessories  are perfect.  You look your absolutely gorgeous and beautiful best.

Now image that you’re standing together with Tim very close.  You’re standing so close that you can’t see any other man but Tim.

 

 

 

change your approach to leaning forward with a man

Now image that you’re holding on to Tim’s arms  trying to get him to hold you.

Imagine that Tim won’t hold you and says to you “I can’t give you want you want.”  How does that feel?  Where do you feel it?

Keep holding on to him.  What’s he doing?  Is he pulling away?

Keep holding on to his arms and don’t let go.  How does that feel?

Awful?

Horrible?

Okay,

now drop your arms

and let him go.

 

How does that feel?

What is Tim doing now?

Take a big step back from Tim.  How does that feel?

Now take yet  another big step back from Tim.  How does that Feel?

beading

Look down at your clothing or at a piece of your jewelry.

Touch it and see how it feels on the skin of your hand.

Continue to touch it and see what different feelings you experience on your hand.

 

 

 

one_woman_many_men_ circular dating

Now, look up and look around you from your left to your right.

Notice the men in the room.  Don’t do anything but notice them.

Now, leaning back, take a few deep breaths, soften your shoulders and soften your stomach (like you practiced above).

 

Look around the room again.  Are any of the men looking at you?

Are any of them smiling at you?

Are any of them walking over to you?

Are they saying how lovely you look?

 

I want you to smile at them and keep leaning back.

Receive their attention.  Receive the attention from each one.

How does that feel?

 

Image that these men are approaching you because they’re curious about you.  They want to talk to you.  They want to go out with you.

 

feminine woman circular dating men notice you circle of interactionThis is widening your view.

I want you to widen your view from just one man, and start to notice the men around you.

Give them a chance to notice you.

Give them a chance to show their interest in you.

Give them a chance to approach you.

You don’t have to do anything more than smile.  And maybe say “thank you” to a compliment and “maybe” to any type of invitation.

Only do what feels comfortable to you.  But you must allow yourself to RECEIVE their attention and interest.  And you can practice speaking your feelings with them.

 

Day Four
DOING THINGS YOU ENJOY

Pick somewhere you enjoy going.  Like the mall, a museum, or maybe a coffee shop somewhere in your neighborhood.

feminine woman circular dating coffee shop Rori Raye method

I want you to get dressed up really nice.  Put on something that makes you feel lovely and comfortable.

While you’re there, practice noticing the men around you.

Allow yourself to receive their attention while you’re there enjoying what you’re doing.

Practice speaking your feelings also.

 

Remember, you don’t have to accept any invitations or take any man’s phone number if you don’t feel comfortable doing that.

But I do want you to practice speaking your feelings, so you’re going to have short conversations with some men.

 

Day Five
PUT ASIDE A COUPLE OF HOURS FOR “ME TIME

This is some time dedicated just for you to pamper yourself and to take care of yourself.

don't do's guaranteed to bring him close circular dating

Whatever it is that you need or want to make you feel special, that is what you’re going to do for these couple of hours.

Treat yourself good.

 

 

 

Days Six & Seven
LEANING BACK WITH TIM

This is where you’re going to process your feelings and speak your feelings to Tim.

Full femininity energy woman

You’re going to find your positive feelings and speak them to him like you practiced.

You’re going to stay in the moment and be aware of your feelings.

You’re going to allow yourself to receive from him.  You’re going to lean back.

When you start to think about what you want from him and that he’s not giving it to you, you’re going to widen your view and lean back even more.

 

feminine energy woman feeling conversations

Your next steps are going to involve having a conversation with Tim about what you want. But first he’s going to start noticing the changes in you.

After that conversation, he’ll notice even more changes in you, and he’ll begin to realize that if he can’t give you what you want, then there’s a chance you might meet someone else who will.

There’ll be other important steps to take in how you and Tim interact.  I note that it’s a good thing that he was receptive to your response to his comment that made you feel bad.

It’s is also a good thing that he was clear in stating that he’s not ready to commit.

 

circular dating clueless type of guy

Without knowing more details, I would take a guess that Tim is a Clueless Type of Man (read more about that in my free report), which is a Good Type of Man who just doesn’t know the right things to do yet.  So I’d really like to work with you using some additional coaching tools and introduce you to some ways to get him more comfy and settled in when he’s at your apartment.

 

 

For now, check out the following video where I discuss a helpful practice:

 

 

Learn more about what to say and do in your relationship at the ACADEMY.

circular dating academy for leaning back women

Love,

Tatia

 

 

circular dating feminine energy dating guide

2 Comments

  1. Lill on February 15, 2018 at 2:38 pm

    Wow, I feel the juicy power in your guidance, Tatia.
    You’ve written this so beautifully and elegantly.

    When I read Marscia’s story, I immediately jumped into “Oh just move on.” That’s the old, panicky, black-white me.

    But as I continued to read into your insights, I felt comforted and so warmly embraced by your wisdom.
    You helped me calm down and opened my view to a much, much more vulnerable and loving approach to this kind of situation.

    Thank you so much 💞

    • Tatia on February 19, 2018 at 12:36 pm

      Hi Lill:

      Thank you for the beautiful message!
      This type of approach is a major part of our Feminine Power and you’ve got it now!

      Love,

      Tatia

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