Getting Through A Break Up

getting through a breakup

After a break up

Coach Tatia – please help me get through this week. If I can stop myself from calling  D for the next few days – can you help me? Can you tell me what I should be doing to survive this break up time.  I want him back badly.  Walking out on him was wrong.  What I said was wrong.  You said to lean back, do the tools and circular date.  What else can I do?  Rayneese


Dear Rayneese:

First, please don’t beat yourself up over what happened.

It happened, and now that time is behind you.

Let’s move forward and not put our energy into looking behind us to what’s already done.


I know how you feel.

I’ve been there before.

Regardless to who caused it, a break-up can feel really bad.

Consuming your every waking moment.


But then I found a new way to deal with a bad break-up.

I learned how to take back my power.

How to reclaim the understanding and feeling that I’M THE PRIZE.

No more painful and confusing days of leaning forward.

No more thinking and over analyzing or trying to get in his head.

This new way feels good.

It feels empowering.


Feeling Like A Butterfly

I applaud you Rayneese because you’ve taken the first step towards freeing yourself of that masculine grip of leaning forward after a break-up.

You’ve chosen to allow your feminine energy to guide you.


It’s more than not contacting him or not initiating anything.

Let’s try an exercise to shift your focus from him to you  . . .

feminine butterfly exercise after a breakup

Imagine you’re a butterfly in a garden.

You were resting gently on him when he suddenly brushed you off and walked away.

Or a strong wind comes along and blows you all the way to the other side of the garden.

What do you do?



You’re light, soft, airy and beautiful.

You experience where the wind takes you.

You flutter through the garden, exploring and looking lovely in the process.


The garden represents your schedule and your life.

The flowers are the things you enjoy doing.

The wind represents your feelings.

You’re going to get carried away and swept up by your feelings . . . THAT’S OKAY.

Keep doing the things you enjoy in your life and experiencing your feelings.


A butterfly is difficult to catch.

It’s a gentle art to even interact with one!


During this time you need to be treated gently

. . . that’s what’s going to appeal to you, just like a butterfly.


So for the next few days, Rayneese, I invite you to practice this.

Allow your feelings t0 carry you up and then go do something you enjoy.

Keep your schedule and fill it with plenty of “Me Time” and other things to meet your needs.


And like a butterfly, you’re going to attract attention.

Others are going to want to try to catch you, or they may just notice you and admire your beauty.

This is part of the process . . . just remember butterflies are soft and gentle.

That’s all you’ve got to do right now.


Some of the attention you attract may be your ex.

You haven’t initiated contact.

You’re looking beautiful and you’re keeping busy.

He’s likely to be curious.

He may reach out to you.  He may not.


Can you imagine keeping your attention on yourself?

Can you imagine staying in your feelings?

Can you enjoy the freedom of choosing?

Yes, you choose.  

Not him.


If he approaches you to make-up, you choose.

Or you can choose to start exploring your options with a different man.

Point is, this is about you and the kind of love you want in your life.

You know how you want love to feel.

You know how you want to be treated in a relationship . . .

Don’t you deserve to have the kind of love that you truly want?


Take this time to get to know what you want to feel in a relationship.

These are your needs.

Be honest with yourself and write them out.  Memorize them.  Internalize them.

Embrace your honest wants and wishes about love.

This is part of the process of keeping the focus on you!


It may be your ex, or it may be another man to approach you.

And when that happens, you’re going to know what you truly want.

You’ve got the freedom to choose what’s best for you.







5 day no contact guide






  1. Nikki on August 19, 2020 at 10:28 am

    This article was written 5yrs who but is still so relevant to me today. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I’m taking it easy as I heal. Thank you for your work.


    • Tatia on August 21, 2020 at 8:57 pm

      Dear N: Big ((((Hug))) to you. Thank you for your kind words! I do my best to keep my material relevant and I feel so thankful that it is helpful. Love, Tatia

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