Relationship Q&A – He Doesn’t Call You

circular dating triggered by man not calling
he doesnt call you

Jessica says “I met B at a wedding a few months ago and we hit it off nice. After a few dates we started sleeping together and we’ve been in a relationship since then. The first 3 months were hot and heavy, but since last week B suddenly stopped calling me. Out of the blue. No fights or disagreement or nothing. We had great sex the last time I saw him. He hasn’t responded to my text messages or answered my calls. I drove past his house the other night, his car was there and the lights were on. I’m pissed off he’s not responded to me, but I really really like him and don’t want to do anything to ruin my chances of being with him. What should I do?”

Jessica, this situation is something that a lot of women have experienced, and I have too. I remember feelings of confusion, anger and sadness.

What I’d suggest in this situation is to NOT call him or text him.  Instead,

*journal about your honest feelings daily,

*focus your thoughts on yourself (NOT him),

*go out on dates with other men (even if for coffee for 1/2 hour).

In a coaching session, we could work together to come up with a script of what you want to say to him when he contacts you again. (A man in this situation is very likely to call again at some point!)

These steps are all about three important concepts: Feminine Energy, Masculine Energy and the Connection between them.

The Energy Connection

In a nutshell, feminine energy involves





and expressing.

Masculine energy gets things done!

It involves




taking action

and making decisions.

Now, in terms of relationships, imagine there’s a bubble and inside this bubble are two hearts filling it up.

circular dating energy connection feminine woman leaning back

The blue heart is masculine energy, and the pink heart is feminine energy.

The natural dynamics of the energy between the two hearts is based on their moving towards and away from each other.

When the pink heart leans away from the blue heart, it creates a space between them that the blue heart naturally closes and fills up that relationship space by moving towards the pink heart.

feminine woman leaning back

man stepping up when feminine woman leans back

However, if the pink heart leans forward, towards the blue heart, there’s no space for the blue heart to move forward (as it naturally does), so it moves AWAY from the pink heart! And sometimes leaves the energy connection . . .

leaning forward and pushing a man away

leaning forward causing man to leave energy connection

Now image the pink heart is Jessica and the blue heart is “B.”

In order to allow the energy connection to occur, a woman doesn’t lean in towards the man but leans back and away from him. This creates the space for the man to come towards her by closing in the space between them – she does nothing and he naturally moves towards her.  LEANING BACK is how a woman stays in her feminine energy, rather than by leaning forward, which is more masculine!

(NOTE: If the man is toxic or for some other reason fails to come towards her, she could eventually leave the relationship bubble and enter another one with a man who moves towards her and fills the space between them.)

So, Jessica, my response is do not call him or text him or drive past his house anymore.  That’s all leaning forward!  You need to practice leaning back instead.

leaning back relationship handbook for feminine energy women

Consider doing this:

  1. Get a pretty notebook and write out your feelings. All of them, mad, glad, sad, angry, furious – whatever it is you’re feeling. Each time you start to think about him, pay attention to how you’re feeling at that moment, and write it down.


  1. When you think about him, try to focus on yourself instead.  Let’s say you’re thinking about when you went dancing with him and had a great time.  Stop yourself. Write down exactly what you’re feeling, and then focus on something else good about yourself, such as the NEXT time you’re going dancing or to a party, and then make plans to actually go out dancing!


  1. Go out on dates with other men to practice being in your feminine energy. Nothing more than ½ an hour over coffee is necessary. It’s just a date. If you really don’t feel like dating, then be sure to notice the men who are noticing and admiring you and practice being in your feminine energy. This will help you not focus on yourself.


  1. Next, read over all of the feelings you’ve written down and put them together into a few sentences to express how you feel. AVOID USING THE WORD “YOU.” This way, you’re speaking about yourself and your feelings, not about what happened or what he did or did not do.  When he does contact you, be sure to stay in your feminine energy and speak honestly to him about how you feel at that very moment.  It could be something like “Wow, it feels good to hear your voice but I feel confused about the past few days.” Then you stop and wait to hear what he has to say and keep responding to him about your feelings, perhaps using the paragraph you wrote from your feelings journal.


  1. Finally, don’t make plans about the next time you’ll speak or see each other. Stay in your feminine energy and let him make that move. If he doesn’t make any plans for future contact, don’t offer anything or ask about it. Keep journaling your feelings, focusing on yourself and practicing being in your feminine energy while dating.


Check out the ACADEMY where you’ll learn more feminine energy relationship practices








  1. Natalina on November 22, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    Oh Tatia! I love the illustrations, the little pink heart with the question marks above… I SO get that!!! (we have all done that at some point, right?! ha ha)

    I know I have wanted to be the girl, but still try to lean forward like that- brilliant depiction, love love love it.


    • Tatia on November 23, 2014 at 2:24 pm

      Hi Natalina!!!

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