How To Handle His Negative Response When You Lean Back

feminine energy relationship don't do list - his negative response when you lean back

“I’ve Learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how
you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Coaching Tool: The Don’t Do List

If you’ve been following my vlog/blog and newsletters,
then you know that when you’re having
problems or conflicts with a man
you want to:

  1. Stop what you’re saying or doing (Pause),
  2. Get into your feminine in that moment (Lean Back),
  3. Embrace your honest feelings (Process),
  4. Adjust the words you use with him (Feeling Messages) &
  5. Adjust your actions towards with him (Respond).

 

feminine energy relationship don't do list - his negative response when you lean back

But what if you do the five steps above and he gets upset with you?

What if he says you’re acting strange?

What if he responds negatively?

leaning back and he reacts negatively

First thing is not to panic . . .

Don’t revert to using an old masculine pattern
(leaning forward)
in dealing with his negativity.

his negative response when you lean back

Second, don’t make this moment about him being wrong.

Shift the focus to YOU.
You want this moment to be about what you’re feeling (not about him being wrong).

his negative response when you lean back

Third, before responding to him,
go over the following list
(this list will help you get even deeper into your feminine).

Following the Don’t Do List will ensure
that you stay in your feminine because
it will keep you leaning back in your words and actions.
The Don’t Do List will keep you from making your
response about him being wrong (or right).
Your response will be authentic and from your feelings.

THE DON’T DO LIST

don’t:

(a)  try to control him;

(b)  try to control the situation or the outcome;

(c)  criticize him;

(d)  advise him (unless he asks);

(e)  judge him;

(f)  warn him;

(g)  coax him;

(h)  make suggestions to him;

(i)  complain;

(j)  pry:

(k) use the word “you” when talking to him

(l) explain; and

(m) when he says “No,” accept “No” as his answer (for that moment).

This List Is About Not Being Masculine & Not Leaning Forward Anymore.

It’s About Allowing More Moments of Connection To Happen In Your Relationship Or Dating Situation.

The Don’t Do List is a tool that helps you change your words and action to respond to him in a feminine way.

He’ll notice this change.

He’ll notice you’re not leaning forward anymore.

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BUT . . .

 

rubberband guy1

Fourth, if he still continues to respond negatively, don’t be discouraged.

Instead, make sure you’ve followed the previous steps (above) of:
pausing,
leaning back,
processing your feelings,
speaking your feelings,
responding from your feminine
and sticking to the Don’t Do List.

Then express your feelings to him instead of explaining yourself.
Speaking your feelings turns the focus from him (what he said or what he did)
back to you and your feelings.

 

 

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Fifth, if he’s still acting negatively, then reconsider what type of man you’re dealing with.

Is he a good type,
doing his best to treat you well?

Is he a clueless type,
meaning to treat you well but not always knowing the right thing to do or say?

Is he a difficult type,
too distracted or overwhelmed by his own situations and circumstances to treat you well?

Is he a toxic type,
being manipulative (or abusive), acting passive aggressively and blaming you for his failure to treat you well?

Consider whether you’re truly compatible and whether he’s honestly capable of meeting your relationship needs.

If you’re clear about him, your compatibility and his ability to meet your needs,
then communicate your feelings and needs to him using a script.*

*How To Write A Script

1. Get something to write with (or type on).
2. Don’t think – feel!
3. Feel back to what triggered you.
4. Write that experience down and describe how it made you feel.
5. Now use these words to create a feeling message.
 
Start your sentence with “I felt _________ when _______.

 

 

turned on

Finally, if he continues to respond negatively to you, then TRY THIS:

In the moment when he responds negatively to you (and you know you’ve done all of the steps above),

Ask yourself whether you’re turned on or turned off by his negative words or actions.

This is how it works:
When he makes you feel unhappy or sad
(or some other negative feeling)
stop/pause,
lean back,
get into your feelings and
determine if at that moment you feel turned on or turned off by him.

you’re not blaming him,
you’re not attacking him and
you’re not fighting with him.

This keeps the focus on you and allows him to hear and feel your authenticity.
The following video will go into more detail about being turned on or turned off:

 

Want to Learn More About the Don’t Do List?
Sign up for the free Email Series

 

or schedule a 90 minute coaching session with me.

Love,

Tatia

 

NEW TO LEANING BACK?

Then begin with the HANDBOOK:

 

 
 

 

 

 


 

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