The “NO NAG” Zone

man cave - no nag zone

Joe moved in with me in my apartment 4 months ago and I love having him around and I love him so much but Joe is a slob and this makes me lean forward about cleaning up, taking out the garbage, doing the laundry and other tidy stuff.  All I do is nag and we are not as happy as before he moved in.  I know how to lean back and do it most of the time.  I know how to be warm, inviting, feminine and all that stuff you talk about in your videos. But how do I stop leaning forward if he is a driving me crazy.  I don’t want him to move out because he loves me and if I stop leaning forward maybe he will see that dirty socks should not drive us apart.

#leaningforwardandcantstop

dirty socks
can't leaning forward - your current situation

Dear #leaningforwardandcantstop:

Wow! You hit the nail on the head!

Yes, Joe might see that what you have between you is worth more than an untidy apartment.

First, can you let things pile up and go undone for a couple of days without resenting him?

man's dirty kitchen

If you can, then I would suggest keeping one area of the apartment that you enjoy the most tidy for a bit of refuge (maybe the bedroom).

This will be your “no nag zone.”

You can go to this one area and feel comfortable.

no nag zone

Next, how about putting together some feeling messages to describe how you feel in different areas of the apartment?

Just put these feelings down on paper first, before approaching him for an appointment to talk.

So you’ll be walking around your apartment searching your feelings and writing them down.

Really get into what you’re experiencing in each moment of this exploration.

sexy lean back

In order for this exercise to work you’ll need to lean back and just let go.

You’ve got to lean back and just stop everything you’re saying and doing.

You’re going to stop everything so you can see where you’re leaning forward.
Yes, stop everything
what's leaning forward

What’s Leaning Forward?

 Leaning forward is a masculine action.

 

It’s the energy we use to get things done.

 

We lean forward at work, in business, with our kids, our families and friends.

 

We lean forward to get ahead in life.

 

We lean forward in taking care of ourselves.

 

We lean forward to get what we want, when we want and how we want it.

 

We are pushing, pulling and sometimes dragging things when we’re leaning forward.

 

Leaning forward is our “Boy” energy.

 

It’s initiating.

 

It gets us places.

 

It gets us where we need to be – out in the world so we can practice our feminine power.

 

But leaning forward has no place in relationships or when interacting with your man . . . 

leaning back feminine energy

HOW TO STOP LEANING FORWARD

#1

As you’re walking through your apartment exploring your feelings, you’re going to be triggered by the mess you see!  That’s good!

Go deeply into each feeling and write down what you’re experiencing.

REMEMBER, don’t do anything or say anything to him during this exercise.

Really get into exploring your feelings.

Don’t worry if all of your feelings are bad or negative as you walk through your apartment, just write them down.

the bathroom

#2

Now go to your “No Nag Zone” and read all of the feelings you’ve written down.

Now write how you’re feeling in that nice, clean and tidy area of your apartment.

Is this how you’d like to feel everywhere in your apartment?

Write that down too!

“I love how _____________ and ___________ sitting/standing here feels.  It makes me feel so ____________.”

(LOVE WORDS)

Love Housekeeping

#3

For the next day or two, your “No Nag Zone” is where you’re going to go to shift your vibe when you feel yourself about to lean forward with Joe.

REMEMBER to write down your feelings. And remember the Don’t Do List too.  This will help you out a lot.

More importantly, remember to STOP yourself when you want to say or do anything that is:

-Leaning Forward

-Negative based or

-on the Don’t Do List.

Try Melting instead . . .

#4

Soon, Joe is going to notice that you’ve stopped nagging.

He’s going to approach you in some kind of way.

Be ready for this (and yes, be warm & inviting).

Have your feeling messages ready to share with him about how you feel in the “No Nag Zone” area of your apartment.

Then tell him how you feel in a different area of the apartment, and how that makes you feel.

Tell him you’d like to talk with him about it about what “we can do to fix this,” and is now a good time.

If he says not now, then ask him when would be a good time (and don’t bring it up again until that time).

Speaking your feelings to him

#5

When Joe is ready to talk with you, share your good feelings!

First tell him how you enjoy living together.

Then tell him what he does that makes you feel good/happy/etc.

Now tell him you don’t like feeling ___________________ (the not so good feelings you listed in #1) and ask “what can we do to fix this?”

appreciate1

If you want to continue with this practice, there’s an entire chapter dedicated to not leaning forward in the HANDBOOK

Love,

Tatia

 
 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 


 

2 Comments

  1. Esther on January 5, 2017 at 12:36 am

    Hi Tatia,

    Some of our African Culture does not allow us to Lean Back, example its the duty of a woman to clean the house,cook and take care of the children, its would seem crazy and unacceptable to tell my husband to clean the house is this still leaning forward?
    Another thing how can i lean back if i earn more than my husband? I always find myself suggesting things. Thankyou

    Esther

    • Tatia on January 11, 2017 at 12:56 am

      Hi Esther:

      Great questions!

      Here’s a great example . . . Cooking is something you do for yourself or something you enjoy.
      I cook what I want, what pleases me, rather than cooking to please my man.
      Of course he’s going to eat what I cook, and that’s sharing with him and the household.

      But the key to leaning back is telling him how you feel.
      Are you feeling that your husband should cook?
      Does he enjoy cooking?
      Is there something he cooks very well that pleases you?
      Are you seeing the opportunity here?
      Like “honey, I just love when you barbeque. It would feel like such a treat to taste that. What do you think?”

      Asking him to clean could be a bit different experience.
      Is this about his untidiness?
      Or are you needing a little help getting all the chores done.
      If so, you could say something like “babe, I feel pressed to keep the house looking as nice and clean as we do. I love how it feels when our home looks good. What can we do about this?”

      As far as the urge to suggest things because you earn more money – are you trying to control him or the outcome? If so, then check out this vlog post https://powertolove.com/leaning-forward-2/.

      Hope that helps!

      Love,

      Tatia

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