Leaning Back In Any Stage of Your Relationship

bride leaning back

What is Leaning Back?

Leaning back allows the natural attraction that a man has for a woman to increase.

leaning back in the relationship energy connection

“Masculine energy is naturally drawn to feminine energy.
To maintain this connection, the feminine energy
creates space for the masculine energy
to close in the distance.”


Leaning back helps him feel an emotional connection to you.

Leaning back keeps his attraction and desire for you strong.

Leaning back draws him in even closer as your relationship deepens.

The process of creating
and maintaining this relationship space
is called Leaning Back.

Leaning Back is embracing your feminine energy
and allowing your honest feelings
to guide how you interact with a man
(meaning your words and your actions towards him).

How Leaning Back helps your Relationship:

The most important part of Leaning Back, in any stage of a relationship, is HOW YOU COMMUNICATE.

Leaning back means using your feminine energy to guide your words and actions.  

So I’ve put together a short list of how to communicate in a Leaning Back (feminine) way during the following crucial stages of your relationship:

First Date
Intense Attraction
Getting to Know Each Other
Compromise (power struggles)
Comparison & Doubt
Sexual Times and


Leaning back on a first dateleaning back on a coffee date

First Date

You’re curious about each other and are likely experiencing a “spark” of interest.

Lean Back with: Eye contact, smiling, passion stories (talking about the things that you love doing) and staying present in the moment.



leaning back during attraction phase of relationshipleaning back during attraction phase of dating

Intense Attraction

You’re experiencing more physical contact and communication than you have before (and you like it, lol).

Lean back by: Letting him initiate, and be sure that you respond verbally and non-verbally so it’s clear to him that you’re enjoying his touch and efforts to communicate.


Leaning back during the get to you know phase of datingleaning back while getting to know a man better

Getting To Know Each Other

You’re connecting regularly and starting to identify as a couple in different little ways.  There could be long conversations and blissful time spent together learning about each other.

Lean Back by: Staying in touch with your feelings (rather than being in your head future thinking, worrying or wondering).  Stay in the moment and be present with him.  Share the positive things you’ve experienced in your life.  And be sure to practice Second Level Listening (focusing on him while he speaks).



leaning back when there are boundary issues in a relationship

Compromises (power struggles)

You’re making adjustments in dealing with each other, being triggered by conversations or events and experiencing separate agendas important to each of you (such as children/careers/illness).  The differences between you are becoming more apparent now and may touch on your boundaries.

Lean Back by: Revisiting your boundaries and deal-breakers as needed.  Do not try to change him!  Explore whether you can like him just as he is.  Consider whether these differences, his habits or situations cross any of your personal boundaries or deal breakers.




leaning back when there are conflicts in a relationship


You’re feeling angry, upset, confused . . . you’re not happy.  He’s triggered you, or maybe you’ve triggered him.  The right type of communication is crucial now.

Lean Back by: Being genuine.  Speak your feelings. Speak your positive.  Speak your truth. Give/Seek an opportunity for resolution. Remember the “Don’t Do List” (Click Here To View The “Don’t Do List”).




leaning back to avoid expectations
leaning back when he is upset


You may be feeling disappointment about (what seems to be) flaws and weakness in your guy or the relationship.  Maybe you’re experiencing anticipation, unmet expectations or feelings that your relationship needs are not being met.


Lean Back by: Letting go of expectations and anticipation. Revisit your relationship needs.  Take a step back and do some inner work:  Are you placing your happiness in his control?  Are you focusing on him or your relationship more than you’re focusing on yourself and your needs?



leaning back when feeling lost in a relationshipleaning back when he's distant


You’re noticing (his or your) need for space and time apart.  It may seem like you’re losing yourself in this relationship.  It can be alarming.

Lean Back by:  Separating your happiness from the relationship.  Revisit your list of things you enjoy.  Instead of focusing on the change in your relationship, explore your personal life balance – is there harmony between your love life and everything else important to you?




leaning back when you're feeling insecure in your relationship

Comparison & Doubt

You’re sharing social experiences (meeting friends/family), past relationship issues and maybe even jealousy.  If there are any doubts, you may be toying with the thought of “Where is this going?”  Whatever you do, DON’T ASK HIM THAT QUESTION.

Lean Back by: Revisiting the natural Energy Connection between a man and a woman.  Let him move the relationship along.  Take any laser focus off of him (and the relationship) and focus on yourself.  If you feel the relationship is not going where you want, then widen your view and take a step back to explore if you’re in a “situationship” or if he needs an opportunity to step up before he loses you.


leaning back during intimacy

Sexual Time

You’re both feeling very connected now.  But the bedroom is not the place for feminine power-plays or head-game.  Instead, this is where you want true and genuine connection.

Lean Back by:  Receiving and responding with affection and touch.  Think SENSUAL rather than just sexual.  




leaning back and being in love during the routine times of your relationship


You’re officially in a relationship (engaged, married, committed) and in a routine.  It can be a routine of falling in love all over again with each other, or you can feel stuck or take each other for granted.

Lean Back by:
Showing your appreciation for him.
Stay curious about him.
Open up and allow deeper connection to happen between the two of you.

Go more in depth with your leaning back practices with a 90 minute coaching session with me or get started with the HANDBOOK.





  1. Narinder on August 20, 2020 at 5:52 am

    Very nice explanation…it helped me a lot.

    • Tatia on August 21, 2020 at 8:58 pm

      My Pleasure! Thank you for sharing <3

  2. Jennifer on September 22, 2020 at 12:49 pm

    We need something like this for men. What about men who lean in too much, and need to give women space? Thanks!

    • Tatia on September 22, 2020 at 10:07 pm

      Hi Jennifer:
      What an interesting question! Thank you 🙂
      Let’s start here . . .
      (Loving a Good Guy);

      Then check out Emotional Connection.

      If those scenarios do not fit what you’re describing, then check out my “Man Guide“.

      If nothing I’ve written covers what you’re experiencing, then please give me a few descriptions of him leaning in too much and not giving you space.


  3. Letia on September 30, 2020 at 11:30 am

    Thank you!

    • Tatia on October 10, 2020 at 6:38 pm

      My Pleasure!

  4. Miss Sarah on August 18, 2021 at 6:32 pm

    Loving your guides, I have got the leaning back handbook and it’s great.
    I am a few dates in with a nice guy, we were communicating a lot in the beginning but he only text a couple of times a day at the most now. I’m practicing leaning back but any further advice on when to step back further?
    I feel like it is work/children commitments which are holding him back but don’t want to wait for nothing either? Thank you

    • Tatia on August 18, 2021 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Ms. Sarah:

      That is awesome that you’re enjoying the Handbook! Thank you so much for letting me know 🙂

      Here’s an advanced Leaning Back approach for his decreased communication:

      Step 1. Release the energy of expectation and anticipation about how often he communicates with you. Take a very deep breath, open your arms wide and lean your upper body and head back slightly. Release the thought of him, what he’s doing, what he’s thinking and his responsibility. Take another deep breath and let a wave of softness wash over your entire body starting from the top of your head. For now, let go of the thinking (about him or the dating).

      Step 2. Now, focus on your softness. Your sweetness. Your yummy-ness! This is the energy you want to have instead of the expectation/anticipation energy. This is the energy you want to experience whenever he contacts you.

      Step 3. Out of sight, out of mind. When he is not with you (or communicating with you), try not to allow your thoughts to linger on him (because right now those thoughts are triggering you). Go back and repeat Steps 1 and 2 when you find your thoughts dwelling on him, your dating him or any change in his communications.

      Step 4. You are the prize! Your softness, your feminine responses to him (words and actions) are the delicious reward that he receives from you when you are together. Let him experience this energy when you communicate with him or see him. If the thoughts of him not communicating as much creep back in, then repeat Steps 1, 2 and 3.

      Step 5. Enjoy yourself. Engage in the little things that you enjoy to fill your extra/down time.

      Step 6. Practice your leaning back tools “out in the world” with the people (men and women) you interact with. And don’t forget to notice the men who are admiring you!

      Step 7. If he does not step up his communications or move things forward, then take the time to observe what you’re actually receiving from him . . . his truth. Accept his truth and keep your options open (remember your circle of interaction). If his truth is that personal commitments limit his availability to date, then that creates more time for someone else to step up and pursue you – allow that to happen.

      I would suggest practicing all 7 leaning back steps for the next couple of weeks. Let’s touch base again to see how you’re feeling and where he’s at in your circle of interaction.



  5. Felicia on May 22, 2022 at 8:06 pm

    I recently came across your page and I feel you have really gave me a lot of information I so needed when it comes to leaning back being in a relationship with masculine man. I look back on when we would have disagreements and wouldn’t speak for a day or two. We had a moment where it was for at least two weeks that we didn’t speak. I would often find myself leaning in to fix things to try and communicate even when he was at fault and he would shuts down ( he isn’t always the best at communicating) but I am having a hard time figuring out how to approach it

    Is there a way to express my need to have better communication when we have disagreements without feeling like I am pressuring the situation to get time to talk or should I lean back and leave it to allow him to communicate and reach out to me?

    • Tatia on May 30, 2022 at 12:53 pm

      Hi Felicia:

      You’re doing an awesome job of leaning back!
      While I agree with continuing to lean back as you suggested, I feel that the “leave it to allow him to communicate and reach out” part may be a problem because you’re anticipating or expecting something from him. That’s still a form of pressuring the situation.

      Ask yourself, what is it you want to hear him “communicate” during disagreements?
      Are you looking for an explanation or an apology?
      Anything you expect or anticipate him saying/doing falls in the category of “beyond your control”

      Instead of expecting a response from him, I suggest practicing completely letting go (https://powertolove.com/can-you-completely-let-it-go/)

      Here’s how:
      1. Understand your relationship needs (https://powertolove.com/understanding-your-relationship-needs/)

      2. Accept him exactly as he is (because you can never change him to be a person who communicates better when there are disagreements).

      3. Just Let Him Be . . . because during these times, he is NOT MOVING THE RELATIONSHIP FORWARD.
      Imagine your relationship is a big beach ball that the two of you toss between you lovingly.
      When he stops speaking to you, then he’s not holding the ball. He’s dropped it.
      Do not lean forward and pick up the ball!
      Instead, let the ball be. You can write down what you want to share/express/communicate with him (from your feelings, not your thoughts/opinions)
      and maybe share it with him when he picks up the relationship ball again.

      4. During that time that he is not communicating, focus on your own schedule.
      Take care of yourself and tend to your personal needs.
      Engage in things you enjoy doing!
      Keep the focus on yourself and what you enjoy instead of focusing on him or the relationship.

      5. Allow him the time to be who he is while you observe his actions/inaction.
      Ask yourself if you can honestly accept this in a relationship.
      This doesn’t mean breaking up with him – but having a reality check moment that ‘what you see is what you get’ . . . this is who he is.
      I call this entire process relationship space where you allow him to be who he is, do what he is inclined to do and consider whether this relationship is what your heart truly desires. This is a lot of internal assessment that does not involve you having a discussion with him – the discussion is an inner dialogue.

      6. Later on, when there’s no disagreement going on, you can share your feelings about your relationship needs (remember, this is about what you need in a relationship and is NOT about what he doesn’t do in the relationship – https://powertolove.com/dont-make-him-wrong/ ).

      Check out “LOVE WORDS” for an idea of how to share your feelings with him: https://powertolove.com/speak-power-your-leaning-back-words/



  6. fatemah M. on November 12, 2023 at 8:51 am
    • Tatia on November 12, 2023 at 9:16 am

      Thank you 🙂

  7. Ann on January 24, 2024 at 10:28 pm

    I love all of this!
    I’m dating a widower who has been single and dating for 16 years. We’ve been together 2 years. We’ve broken through lots of barriers (talks of forever, he’s taken down his late wife’s photos, he’s renovating his house so I’ll want to live there, etc). He treats me like a queen and spoils me. BUT he doesn’t talk about marriage or an actual move in date. I’ve brought up marriage and made it clear that’s it’s my intention. He said he’d be open to it if that’s what I wanted but never brings it up. His previous relationship ended after 3 years (it seems because he moved too slow). Anyhow, he said our relationship is the best relationship of his life. I just don’t want to waste my time if he isn’t as excited to take the next big steps. Any advice?

  8. Ann on January 24, 2024 at 10:28 pm

    I love all of this!
    I’m dating a widower who has been single and dating for 16 years. We’ve been together 2 years. We’ve broken through lots of barriers (talks of forever, he’s taken down his late wife’s photos, he’s renovating his house so I’ll want to live there, etc). He treats me like a queen and spoils me. BUT he doesn’t talk about marriage or an actual move in date. I’ve brought up marriage and made it clear that’s it’s my intention. He said he’d be open to it if that’s what I wanted but never brings it up. His previous relationship ended after 3 years (it seems because he moved too slow). Anyhow, he said our relationship is the best relationship of his life. I just don’t want to waste my time if he isn’t as excited to take the next big steps. Any advice?

    • Tatia on January 26, 2024 at 9:41 am

      Dear Ann:

      What a lovely man you have there! Do you feel the vibe of my statement?

      The first thing I suggest is taking that invisible pressure off of him. He is entitled to be exactly who and how he is (check out this video). Removing the pressure of a marriage/living-together time line, are you enjoying this relationship? If so, then focus on the great moments you have together.

      Second suggestion is to embrace your relationship needs personally . . . meaning, don’t impose that on him! If your relationship goal is to be married and/or living together, then that is a personal need and should not be imposed on him. But it’s not a small thing because it is your personal relationship need.

      Third suggestion is if you feel he is not capable (or willing) of meeting your relationship needs, then:

      (1) practice this exercise,

      (2) create an appreciation list about him, and

      (3) consider if he is capable of stepping up in this relationship.

      Fourth Suggestion
      If it appears that he is happy with the relationship just as it is and it appears that he is not ever going to move the relationship to a point where the two of you are living together or married, then I suggest that it is time to gently start exploring other opportunities to have your ultimate relationship needs met. This is not about breaking up with him. It’s about shifting the focus of your life to what you want. It means that you’ll utilize the time away from him to consider the possibility of moving on to another relationship. This doesn’t mean breaking up with him or being angry at him. It mean creating a bit of distance/space to explore if you ultimately want a be with a man who is clearly on the same ‘relationship page’ as you. I do not suggest exchanging numbers or spending time with other men at this point. Just notice the men who are interested in you, and maybe practice a little bit of flirting, if that feels comfortable to you.

      If, in the course of exploring your relationship options, your man wants to have a talk about ‘where this relationship is going’ or ‘what’s wrong’, then I suggest making an appointment to have a discussion with him. During this discussion, you will make a script and to express to him that it appears the two of you are not on the same page, that you don’t want to impose your relationship needs (of being married/living together) on him so it feels better to explore your options. [Do you see why I did not suggest “dating” other men yet? During this conversation, he will likely ask if you are seeing anyone else or if you have any other options, and your answer will be NO.] The point of this conversation is not to break up, but to let him know that your relationship needs appear to be different than his and that you do not want to impose those needs on him. It is important to check out this video on what to do after this conversation with him.

      On the other hand, if the above conversation never occurs, then it is time to slowly give more space to this relationship and begin working on your personal schedule and exploring other relationship options. Please email me if your situation progresses to this point.



Leave a Comment