SITUATIONSHIP

A “Situationship” is an imaginary relationship.

Here’s another great definition:

“A situationship is kinda like a relationship, but more of a situation. Friends with benefits are in a situationship. People that are a ‘thing’ are in a situationship.

Many people have situationships with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

If two people are considered to be ‘ complicated ‘ they are most likely in a situationship.

If someone isn’t your boyfriend/girlfriend because of a fear of being labeled, they are definitely in a situationship!”

Urban Dictionary

But how do you avoid being in a Situationship . . . or

Boo’d up” ?

IS IT ALL IN YOUR IMAGINATION?

Let’s talk about how not to get wrapped up in a man.
And if you’re already in deep, then let’s talk about widening your view and shifting your vibe to change the “situation.”

THE WAY TO CORRECT THIS SITUATIONSHIP IS TO STOP LEANING FORWARD.

Yup, you’re absolutely leaning forward in some form.
I’m going to ask you to completely and totally lean back now . . . put the brakes on this situation!

STEP ONE
IT’S OKAY TO LET NOTHING HAPPEN
If he’s not calling, not coming by, not making plans or ignoring you . . . let him be.

Really, it’s okay. He’s showing you his truth, and you should believe him. Ask yourself . . . Don’t you deserve better? Shouldn’t you be involved with a man who WANTS to call, come by, make plans and pay attention to you?

Don’t impose yourself on him. Don’t lean forward. Instead Lean back. When you’re leaning back, you’re receiving and responding. When you’re leaning back, you’re in touch with your feelings moment to moment when dealing with him or the situation.

Feeling his lack of attention, no matter how bad it feels, is going to be an eye opening experience. Rather than work yourself into being even more upset, why not search for the lesson in this experience? Were there any red flags you chose to ignore or honestly didn’t realize? Were you distracted by the thrill of it all and in your head instead of in your feelings?

Again, it’s okay to do nothing and just let nothing happen between you and him. This gives you the time and energy to get yourself out there to a meet a different kind of man, to pay closer attention to your intuition and to practice your tools.

So I’m asking you to accept his truth. Accept that he’s not on the same page as you. Accept that he’s either toxic, difficult or clueless (a good type would likely let you know he’s not really feeling a connection with you). And accept that he’s not for you.

STEP TWO
OBSERVE HIM
What if you’re not sure? This is why I’m not a proponent of dumping a man outright. Ease out of it. Lean back. Take your time. No need for anything drastic (unless you’re in an abusive relationship).

When you’re not sure is the perfect opportunity to lean back, observe and truly receive what he’s giving. If he’s giving very little, you need to observe that.

Observing him also means not attacking him. It’s very important to stick to the don’t do list at this time. Don’t make him wrong. Don’t try to have “the talk” with him. Just observe (and journal if you need an outlet to write out your feelings, your fears, your thoughts or anything negative going on inside of you).

STEP THREE
YOUR NEEDS
Enough with focusing on him! It’s time to turn your attention back to yourself. It’s time to feel good again. While you might not be in the mood, take baby steps towards having some enjoyment or pampering. Take care of yourself. Figure out what you need to make you feel your best again.

Another important aspect of this is understanding your needs. Do you need cuddling? Do you need regular contact? Write down these relationship needs so that you can refer back to this list the next time you’re feeling attracted to a man. Ask yourself, does/can he meet my true needs?

STEP FOUR
YOUR HAPPY EVER AFTER
While you’re at it, picture your “happy ever after.” What is it you ultimately want in a relationship? Marriage? To grow old together? To travel the world together? To live together? What is it that you’re wanting to have deep in your heart and soul? Define it. Describe it. Embrace it.

WIDEN YOUR VIEW
Get unstuck from this one man. OMG, there are sooooo many great men out there. Ask yourself if you’re shutting yourself off from the possibilities and options that other men have to offer you.

This doesn’t mean that you need to start dating right away. Remember, it’s all about baby steps.

STEP FIVE
YOUR FEMININE POWER
Lean back into your feminine and practice allow yourself to receive from men out in the world in your day-to-day travels and experiences.

Practice softening up and purposely smiling more. Feel the breeze and sunshine caressing your face. Enjoy a slow walk in a fragrant garden. Get into your senses and your feelings.

And when you notice men noticing you . . . let them look. Smile and hold eye contact for a few seconds. There’s nothing wrong with a little subtle flirting.

Nor is there anything wrong with having a conversation with a man who’s curious about you. Remember, there’s no commitment or obligation. It’s just a conversation and this is where you get to practice your tools!

STEP SIX
SHIFT YOUR VIBE
Rather than give a man attitude for ignoring you, not calling or pulling away, give him warmth and distance instead. Meaning, lean back, step back and step away from him. Get back into your own schedule and let him be.

STEP SEVEN
STAY LEANING BACK NO MATTER WHAT
When he approaches you, be warm and inviting in your words and actions.

If you’re journaling and writing down your feelings, you’ll have already put together some feeling messages to share with him (recall from the “Scripting 101” email series that we always start with the good feelings first when speaking to a man).

Stay out of your head and in your feelings. Stay in the moment.

Do not lean forward in any way! Keep leaning back.

This combination of warmth (good feeling messages) and distance (leaning back) takes the sting out dealing with him and facing the truth that maybe he’s not the one.

STEP EIGHT
IF HE RESUMES PURSUING YOU
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: Go back and start again with Step One! Lean Back, Keep Aware Of Your Needs, Keep Aware Of Your Happy Ever After, Keep Your View Widened, Keep Your Own Schedule & Stay Leaning Back No Matter What.

By following these steps, you won’t end up in a “situationship” with him (or anyone else) ever again.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE – a whole chapter is dedicated to Situationships in the HANDBOOK!

Love & Light,

Tatia Dee

 

 

 

understanding his emotional attraction to you

6 Comments

  1. S o on November 22, 2018 at 11:25 pm

    Hi I needed to hear this. Sometimes women need encouragement. I keep reading 4 sure

    • Tatia on December 1, 2018 at 10:06 am

      Hi S:

      Encouragement (empowerment!) is what I’m all about!
      You’ll find even more helpful material here.

      Love,

      Tatia

  2. Teresa on February 1, 2023 at 6:36 am

    I can’t believe this popped up in my feed this 4am early morning. I just had this conversation with my nearly 2 year boyfriend. We are definitely in a situation. Thanks for all the great tips.

    • Tatia on February 2, 2023 at 1:53 pm

      Hi Teresa: So happy you’re finding my website useful! Email me with any questions.

      Love,

      Tatia

  3. Tajma on June 12, 2023 at 7:05 pm

    I want to leave my fat bastard baby daddy but nobody wants me now

  4. Tatia on June 12, 2023 at 11:28 pm

    Hi Tajma:
    While the description of your guy was comical, I know this is not a laughing matter and that you are serious about
    (1) wanting to leave the situationship and
    (2) how you feel about a new relationship.

    Consider the following:

    Unless you’re in any kind of abusive situation,
    it’s rarely my advice to drop everything and leave a man.

    However, if you’ve 

    leaned back,
    focused on yourself,
    processed your feelings,
    spoke your feelings,
    widened your view
    and practice all of the other coaching tools

    And Still,

    Nothing works

    and he continues doing things that make you feel bad . . .

    Then I suggest that you PAUSE (click here):

     

    Don’t leave him right away . . .

    Lean back and Step back from him.

    Create some distance.

    Observe him.

     

    Then Step back even further.

    Stop doing ANYTHING and

    Let him come to you to initiate things.

    Stepping away looks like:

    saying  “I don’t want be here”

    and then you 

    leave the room or

    leave the house.

     

    Ask yourself “Do I want to keep doing this with him?”

    Look at your deal breaker list.

    Is he doing these things?

    Can you compromise?

    Can you work it out?

    REMEMBER,

    You can’t change him.

    You can only change yourself and inspire him to change.

     

    If there’s no change in the situation after all of this, then it’s time to prepare yourself to leave him . . .  CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE

     

     

     

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