Raising Your Degree Of Difficulty


Raising Your Degree Of Difficulty

Degree Of Difficulty” is a Rori Raye Coaching Term used to describe keeping your energy focused on yourself.

We use this term in coaching a woman how to raise her self value/worth/confidence and not lose herself in a man, relationship or ‘situationship.’


Raising your degree of difficulty is not about playing games or playing hard to get.  

Instead, it’s about:

– keeping your own schedule,

– focusing your thoughts and energy on yourself rather than on a man,

– receiving and responding to a man and

– leaning back.

Leaning back includes:

– following the Don’t Do List (Rori’s Four Rules),

– using feeling messages,

– responding instead of initiating and

– receiving instead of leaning forward.




Riffing is a Rori Raye Coaching Tool featured in her Targeting Mr. Right program.

In coaching sessions, we use riffing as an approach to solving problems that come up when a woman has been triggered by a man or situation.

During a riffing exercise, we touch on balancing your degree of difficulty with what you want from a man.


The problem arises when that desire of wanting something from him (or wanting him to do or act a certain way) brews up inside of you and causes you to Lean Forward (the opposite of Leaning Back).  This situation is why Rori Raye created the tool of “Riffing.”  It helps a woman resolve the conflict that leads to relationship difficulties.


Whether your riff is about something you want him to do, say or be, that desire within you takes on a masculine form.

Whatever it is you’re desiring (and not getting) is the subject of a riffing exercise.

self awareness

 Practice Riffing

To address this masculine energy (your wanting something from him), we focus on the parts of your feminine energy dealing with self value, self worth and self confidence.  This is the process of raising your degree of difficulty!

Imagine a scale:

balancing your feminine and masculine

On one side of the scale is your masculine energy,

(the desire to control an outcome or a man).  

On the other side of the scale is your feminine energy,

(your self value, self worth, self confident – degree of difficulty).


The key is to never let your masculine energy outweigh your feminine energy when dealing with a man or the relationship.


Of course, there may be times when the scales are in balance (equal), and that’s fine.

But when your masculine begins to outweigh your feminine, you know there’s an inner issue brewing!



Riffing Involves Both Inner Work And Outer Work.

The inner work of riffing is basically shifting your energy to solve your problem.

This involves flipping what you feel is the “problem” into a “Want.”

It includes:

– exploring your feelings about what you want,

– understanding what it would take to achieve what you want,

– visualizing what it will feel like to have what you want,

– and then revisiting the original problem to determine if there is anything else to address (if so, you do the riffing exercise again).  


The outer work of riffing is about channeling,

which I cover in my vlog post “Your List.”


By approaching the problem from both the inside and the outside,

riffing allows you to embrace your feminine,

explore all of the possible issues and desired outcomes, and

discover what you honestly want and feel while resolving the problem.

More importantly,

riffing avoids the masculine reactions of

pushing a man away,

avoids starting an argument with him and

avoids your having masculine “relationship” talks with him (like ‘where is this relationship going’).


Learn more feminine energy relationship exercises in the ACADEMY, a private online webinar coaching series






lean back 1-2-3




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