Sharing From Your Feminine (to reduce conflict)

Thus far, in Advanced Leaning Back, you’ve practiced awareness of when you’re in your feminine or masculine energy, and you’ve practiced positive ways to put your masculine energy to work for your happiness.

Now you’re ready for the next step . . .

 

How to increase your happiness while reducing conflict with a man . . .

Leaning Back - Receive and Respond

RECEIVE AND RESPOND

Feminine energy is about being, experiencing, feeling and creativity.

It’s about experiencing words, action or sensations from a person (or your environment) and then responding from your feminine energy.

Sharing from your feminine energy means that you’re in your feelings (not in your head), receiving everything that’s going on around you or happening to you, and then responding based on your feelings (not your thoughts).  

You consider how you feel (not what you think) about what you’ve received and allow your truth to shape your honest reaction. 

Then you respond (with words or actions) from your feminine energy (rather than in a masculine way).

 

YOU RECEIVE

what he says,

what he does,

what he doesn’t say and

what he doesn’t do.

 

Here are a few examples:

 

Hit & Run
You haven’t spoken for days and
he suddenly shows up at your place after work,
wants to smooch for bit,
and stays for only half an hour saying
he promised to help his cousin move . . .

 

 

Disappearing Act
He suddenly makes plans in the morning to go out with the guys
and tells you that he’ll call you later on to make dinner plans.
Late that night he sends you a text message
asking how you’re doing . . .

 

 

 

The Shutdown
He’s dealing with a personal problem that’s upsetting.
He calls you to cancel attending a dinner party with friends,
saying he just wants to stay home and unwind.
He suggests takeout unless you want to cook . . . .

 

 

 

RESPONDING

Take a minute to consider what you’re receiving from him . . .
IT’S HIS TRUTH THAT YOU’RE RECEIVING
(don’t try to read any further into the situation)

Sink into YOUR TRUTH in that moment (this is your “pause“).
No need to speak or act immediately.

Feel what’s going on inside of your body as a result of what’s occurred.
Remember, don’t think . . . FEEL.

1. What can you do (right now) towards your own happiness?

2. Be compassionate – you don’t want to hurt/degrade/attack him.

3. Allow him the opportunity to move the relationship forward from this situation.

Now respond to him.  Let your feminine energy guide your words and actions.

 

COACH’S NOTE:
Here’s how I would Respond to each of the prior examples:

Hit & Run
What I would do: Keep my current plans. Since I hadn’t heard from him, my schedule was already set with things I enjoy doing.
What I would say: “Ooooooh, what a lovely tease! I already made plans to go to the movies later tonight, so we’ll catch up another time.”
What I would process: How does this type of hit and run behavior make me feel in a relationship? Do I need/want a different experience in my relationship? Personally, I would move him further out in my rotation.

 

Disappearing Act
What I would do:  With the unexpected free time, I would plan out a day to do all of the feminine things I like/need to do.  I love short day trips to meet up with friends, so I would end up coming home after a fun day and soaking for a while in a warm bath.
What I would say:  Nothing.  Once I’m in the bath, my cellphone is in a different room and would stay there for the night.  I’ll respond to the text in the morning.
What I would process:  That disappearing act felt all wrong to me.  While he’s entitled to be who, what and how he is, this type of relationship behavior does not feel good to me.  It doesn’t feel like we’re on the same page. I would keep my options (and my schedule) open and not invest my time in this man.

 

The Shutdown
What I would do: Not try to fix him or the situation that’s upsetting him.  If I felt like cooking, I would cook a light tasty dinner.  If not, I would set out the take out menus on a table and put a sticky note on each one of what would taste good to me.
What I would say:  I would not say much . . . only responding to whatever he says to me.  It’s clear that he needs some time to unwind.  It’s okay if I’m not included in that “unwinding” process.  I would probably busy myself with something I need/want to do and allow him his space and time.  Of course, I would remain open and inviting to him when he’s ready to interact.
What I would process: I can’t fix everything.  Although it feels bad that he’s hurting, I would not try to talk about the situation until he started that conversation.  At the most, I would say “I’m here for you babe.”

 

ADVANCED LEANING BACK (Receive and Respond practice) – Consider the following visualization, affirmation and exploration as you work on receiving and responding.

 

Visualize:

Leaning Back - Pause Receive Respond

Affirm:

Leaning Back - I AM Feminine

Explore:

SHARING

 

 

Ten Advanced Leaning Back Perspectives:

  1. Awareness
  2. Positive Masculine Energy
  3. Receive & Respond
  4. Be a Girl (Softness)
  5. Feel the Moment
  6. Let go of the Outcome
  7. Movement Keeps you Unstuck
  8. Passion/Vision/Hobby/Cause
  9. Me Time (Self-Empowerment) and
  10. Positive Influences (your Tribe)

 

We’ll cover “Be a Girl” in my next post. If you want to go more in depth with your personal leaning back practices, then feel free to schedule a 90 minute coaching session with me.

Love,

Tatia

 

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