Stop Arguing And Get Back To Tenderness

arguing
Tatia Vlog/Blog

Dealing  With Conflicts In Your Relationship

Arguments happen.

But some arguments can unnecessarily push a man away in a relationship.

Wouldn’t it feel good to minimize the arguing and maximize the tenderness?

Wouldn’t it feel good to get back to when you enjoyed speaking to each other and spending time together?

Wouldn’t it feel good to stop arguing?

You CAN stop the unnecessary arguments

You Can get back to tenderness.

 

Let’s be clear, arguments DO HAPPEN in relationships.  Even in Dating.

It feels bad to be wrong.  It feels worse to be accused of being wrong when you’re not.  Or even when you believe you’re not wrong.

What’s a Feminine Power woman to do?

Argue back?

Slink away?

The Answer Is To Pause And Go Inside . . . Ask Yourself “What Am I Feeling Right Now?”

Retreat into your body and seek out your Boundaries.

Your Boundaries are about the things that you can’t and won’t tolerate from anyone, especially a man you’re in a relationship with. 

It’s important to be very honest with yourself about what your boundaries are  in a relationship and to clearly speak what you don’t want to him.

Speak Your Feelings About What Doesn’t Feel Good To You About What Was Just Said.

Listen to him and focus on him while he speaks.  Give him 100% of your attention.

Tell him “I hear you.”

Now say how you feel in response.

If he keeps arguing  say that “it doesn’t feel good to hear what you’re saying”

If he raises his voice say

“This loudness feels bad.”

“You’re entitled to talk to me any way you want to but I don’t have to stay here and take it.  I don’t want to be here right now.

Now Walk Out Of The Room.  This Is Stepping Back.

Whenever things get heated, STEP BACK.  Retreat and process your feelings

Let him initiate the conversation after that

And ALWAYS be open and warm when he approaches you

Don’t raise your voice, Instead, raise your feelings and speak them softly but clearly.

Embrace Your True feelings and speak honestly to him

Tell him what you feel (confused, sad, upset)

Tell him that  you don’t want to argue with him and cause distance between you.

When You’re Both Calmer

Let him know that you want to keep the positives in your relationship and to work together to resolve the negatives.

Let him know that you appreciate him.

#whattosaytohim

After The Argument

Focus on making connections and sharing moments to happen rather than focusing on events.

Don’t crowd him in the relationship and don’t allow him to crowd you – Keep your schedule of activities that you enjoy doing.

Practice melting when he touches you.

Taking This Approach Will Stop The Unnecessary Arguments, And Keep The Tenderness Between You.


Love,

Tatia

 

 

 

2 Comments

  1. Tesha on February 27, 2015 at 1:44 am

    Our arguments revolve around the same things. Tonight once again he leaves and I have no clue where he went. When I called and asked, he claimed he was at “the store” but for 2 hours??

    I wanna say that if he would just say he needs space it would make sense to me but somehow I doubt that it would trigger me any less.

    How do I feel?
    I feel a loss of control.
    I feel fidgety.
    I feel like I’m being lied to.
    I feel like I’m someone he wants to be away from.

    I told him that I wasn’t feeling him because he’s acting suspect.
    He said that I’m never feeling him.

    I need to go back to my list.
    Thankfully I’m leaving for my mother’s this weekend, this was already pre-planned so it’s not because of him.

    You can’t have it both ways. You can’t need me to trust you yet deny me the truth. (Shrug) uuuugggghhhh

    • Tatia on March 7, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      Hi My Dear Friend Tesha:

      Big Hug to you honey
      A Hug From Tatia

      He is wrong about your not feeling him.

      You feel EVERYTHING.

      You did a lovely job of expressing your feelings here.

      I want you to picture the image of letting go . . .
      Letting go of needing to know where he is,
      Letting go of needing to speak to him,
      Letting go of needing to trust him.

      STEP ONE

      Picture that you are holding on to his sleeve and he’s trying to get out of the house,
      He’s trying to go to the store.
      But don’t let go of his sleeve.
      Hold on to it.
      Pull at him if you must.
      Don’t let him go.
      How does that feel?
      What is he doing?
      Whatever it is, don’t let go!
      Is he pulling away or pushing your hands off of him?
      Don’t let go!
      How does that feel?
      Okay, Now, just let go of him.
      How does it feel to let him go?

      This exercise is about getting you to see that you’re focusing on him and your relationship rather than yourself.

      STEP TWO

      Remember the sliding down out of your head exercise?
      Let go of everything for a minute and just slide down out of all of those thoughts in your head.
      Slide down into serenity, peacefulness, tranquility and silence.

      In this silence I want you to look for a good feeling. Whatever it is.
      Take a deep deep breath and let that feeling flow through your body.
      (stop thinking, I hear you thinking Tesha, slide back down, lol)

      This exercise is about getting in touch with your feelings and some peace of mind.

      STEP THREE

      I’m glad you mentioned your lists. 😀
      Look at your list of things you enjoy doing and your passion list.
      Let’s start working on at least doing one thing each day.

      STEP FOUR

      Lean back even more, even if you must step back.
      Give him the space he is pulling away for.
      Focus on you.
      Stop making the relationship YOUR JOB.
      Take care of you and do something good for you.
      Take a vacation from worrying about or working on the relationship.

      STEP FIVE
      Focus on your positive.
      When you find yourself thinking about him or being triggered by him do the NEGATIVE VOICE exercise,
      and then go do something on your list of things you enjoy!

      Email me honey, I’m here for you.

      Love,

      Tatia

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