Summer “Man Guide” Reading

Dear Reader:

I hope you’re having a lovely Summer!  Below is a compilation of guides to keep you connected to your feminine energy during your warm weather dating & relationship interactions!





The process of a man’s attraction involves his being naturally drawn to you.

Attracting him is easy, but keeping that connection beyond the initial attraction is where it gets interesting . . .

The secret to your success is in Leaning Back during the entire attraction/interaction process with a man.


Leaning Back gives a man space to experience the draw of his attraction to you (this is crucial).

It’s allowing him the opportunity to show his interest,

giving him the space to make positive moves towards you

and responding to him with feminine words and actions (which generates deeper attraction).


Now, how this scenario plays out also depends on the type of man you’ve attracted . . .

The good man connects with you naturally based on his growing attraction . . .

The clueless man is strongly attracted but it’s hit or miss on the connection . . .

The difficult man is heavily attracted but loosely connects with you . . . and

The toxic man charms you with his attraction and then manipulates a connection . . .




1.  Feeling Romantic

2.  He’s Only Human

3.  When He Wants Space

4.  Drama – Emergency Leaning Back

5.  Situationship +



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Feeling Romantic


Romance is about connection, affection and sharing.

sharing means receiving
and then responding
in a feminine way.


Your feminine response to him can impact the level of romance you experience with him!

   Do your words draw him closer to you?
   Do your actions show how much you enjoy his company?

Is your response Romantic?

You see, your response is the key to romance . . .


So here are a few Leaning Back reminders on enjoying the most of your romantic time together.



His attention, affection, gifts . . . appreciate it all in that moment.

Don’t future-think.

Don’t worry about the past.

Pause. Focus on how you feel about what you’re receiving.

Stay in the moment
receive from him
(whatever he’s saying or doing)
and then
with what you like/enjoy/feel in that moment
(based on what he’s said or done).




Make that moment a connecting experience with him.

Quality time can happen anywhere and in any situation . . .
just stay in your feminine,
be genuine and
enjoy the experience
(focus on what’s positive).

Connection starts with you.
Are you open to connect?
Are you in your “feeling” rather than “thinking” energy?
Are you in a “receiving & responding” mood rather than “doing” mood?
Are you allowing him to initiate the situation his way?
Are you responding affectionately to his efforts?




Be warm.

Feel first.
Then speak from a soft place . . .
expressing your good feelings.

Create a list of poetic words that describe your feelings and that feel “right” to you – and then use these words when you speak to him.

And whenever you’re in your head . . .
STOP . . .
and think only of your poetic word list
– what words from your list best describe your positive feelings in that moment?

You’ll find yourself searching your feelings to say what’s going on inside of you.

Likely, it’ll be a tender feeling,
and your poetic words
will intrigue him
and make him feel appreciated.




Please notice him.

See what he’s doing to please you and smile in response.

A smile goes a loooooonnnnnnggggg way!

(It’s okay to smile at him because it lets him know you’re interested)

Flirt with him just a bit.

HINT: You’ve got to see yourself as desirable.

You’ve got to know you’re desirable.

You’ve got to feel desirable.

He already sees you that way!




Try “melting” into any physical contact with him.

Be present.
Be completely in your feelings.
Be sensual.
Feel his passion (and yours).

Melting is receiving and enjoying physical contact in the moment.
Nothing else exists at that time.

Respond to the feeling of his skin if he touches you, or if you touch him.

Simple touching matters!

Holding hands

(and this isn’t the time for
expectation or
bringing up “where is this relationship going” questions.  
Enjoy the moment without being in your head.
MELT into the contact of your skin to his).


FINALLY, always remember . . .

It’s important that you see yourself as




   sweet and



(1) be present in the moment

(2) be aware of what feels good to you

(3) focus on softness and positivity

(4) and practicing self love each day.



1.  Feeling Romantic

2.  He’s Only Human

3.  When He Wants Space

4.  Drama – Emergency Leaning Back

5.  Situationship +



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He’s Only Human


he listens

He’s not perfect.

He’s human.

And he’s totally into you.

You like him.

You enjoy the attention.

You know he’s a great person.

But somewhere in your head you hear “he’s just not it.”

Young couple in cafe, woman ignoring man

Are you ready to change this pattern?


Start by admitting that you keep thinking, Thinking, THINKING . . .

“He’s not ______ enough.”

“He’s too ______.”

“If only he wouldn’t _______.”

“If only he could _______.”


Whether you realize it it or not, you’re repeating a masculine leaning forward pattern.

And soon, this pattern may likely push him away.

He’ll eventually accept your vibe that he’s just not “it” . . .

And so will the next good guy.



Whether  he’s the one or not.

You deserve to experience the benefits of leaning back with a good man.

being triggered 9


He’s likely to ask questions to understand you better (and remembers your answers)

  • he has manners and may strive to be a gentleman
  • he believes in your goals, inspires and supports you
  • he has goals of his own, a decent work ethic as well as a purpose in his life
  • he’s not abusive or rude
  • he’s emotionally mature, meaning he works through his problems and doesn’t let situations overcome or define him . . .

But remember . . . he’s still human.

Male bodybuilder posing

Leaning back with a good man allows you to seek the depths of your feminine power.

He’s the right kind of man to share the richest warmest feeling you can reach within yourself.

It can be reeling, but it’s totally worth it.

emotional attraction2

The key is keeping your expectations in check!

You can never reach the heights of feminine power  until you experience totally leaning back.

This means letting go of your hidden masculine responses.

It means letting go of your fixed ideas of relationship.

Letting go of your preconceived notion of the perfect man.

It means allowing a man to be human.


First things First:

let him contact you


It’s easy to do.

When he does something wrong.

You’re angry.

You’re disappointed.

You’re all in your head.

Try taking a different approach.

Take an approach of acceptance.

Accept him as he is, with all his flaws.


Secondly . . .



He is entitled to be who and how he is.

Accept him.

Whatever is welling up in your head is all about YOU.

It’s your stuff, not his.

There’s something icky going on INSIDE OF YOU.

See this trigger for what it is.

And then get the heck out of your head!

Avoid the urge to project your feelings onto him.

Instead, deal with your dissatisfaction, unhappiness and anything else you’re feeling.

Take a detour from criticism.


Finally . . .

complete within


This next step of the process will take you deeper and lead you to the truth of your masculine urges to criticize and judge a man.


1. Write out your feelings. All of them, mad, glad, sad, angry, furious – whatever it is you’re feeling.

Each time you start to think of anything, pay attention to how you’re feeling at that moment, and write it down.


2. When you can’t stop thinking about what he’s done to trigger you, try your hardest to focus on yourself.  Go within and feel your feelings instead of being stuck in your head.

Write down exactly what you’re feeling, and then focus on something else good about yourself, and something that you like to do.


3. Practice being in your Feminine Power every time you are with him or communicating with him.

This is simply shifting out of your head into your feelings.


4. Enjoy the attention from other men who are noticing and admiring you . . . even if from a distance.

Allow yourself to lean back and glow in this awareness.


5. Schedule A Little Quiet Time and read over all of the feelings you’ve written down in your journal or notebook.

Take three of your strongest feelings and put them together into a few short sentences.  What does that feel like to experience the words of such powerful feelings within you?


6. Keep journaling your deepest feelings, focusing on yourself and practicing leaning back into experiencing and exploring these feelings instead of criticizing or judging him.

You’ll soon notice that a good type of man will feel curious about what you’re experiencing.  He’ll want to get closer.  He’ll become intrigued. And you’ll already have the feeling words to share the wondrous current of feelings stirring inside of you.

Keep turning within and sharing your warmth.


1.  Feeling Romantic

2.  He’s Only Human

3.  When He Wants Space

4.  Drama – Emergency Leaning Back

5.  Situationship +


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Whether you’re dating

In a relationship

or married

this season is a time of community and connection.


So what’s the harm of wanting to spend special time together?

You may be envisioning . . .

Being outside together enjoying the festivities

together at gatherings

or inside together enjoying time together . . .


But instead,




Take this time to put your energy somewhere else (on you!)
– Take care of yourself
– Dial it back (lean back)
– Shift your vibe – more feminine than masculine
– Focus on your passions, interests and giving
– When you speak to him, express your appreciation and/or pleasures


Let him initiate (and continue to lean back if he doesn’t initiate):

Let him bring his energy to you, rather than you actively moving towards him with energy.  This also involves not pushing your energy at or towards him (Relationship Space).


Lean back even more

Stay OPEN to him. Make eye contact (remember to smile) with him and use non-verbal communication (remember to stay in the moment) instead of feeling the urge to talk (no texting).


Give yourself space

Let go of your expectations and any anticipation regarding him or the relationship.  Let him guide the conversation, the evening, the date and any future plans.


Keep your own schedule of things you enjoy

Shifting your focus will shift your vibe. Fill your time away from him with YOU, rather than thoughts about him or the relationship.  Remember to be warm and inviting when you spend time together or interact, but completely engrossed in yourself when he’s not physically there with you.


Widen your view

Practice your leaning back skills out in the world.  Remember Interacting With Men.


Journal your feelings

Get it all out by writing it down!  And remember, He’s Not Perfect.


1.  Feeling Romantic

2.  He’s Only Human

3.  When He Wants Space

4.  Drama – Emergency Leaning Back

5.  Situationship +



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Leaning Back with a difficult type of man can be challenging.

Often, there’s a continuous lingering feeling that something’s wrong.

This feeling is a result of the personal drama, unmanaged ex-girlfriends/ex-wives or other issues that complicate the Difficult man’s daily life.

The real problem in Leaning Back in this type of relationship is accepting him for who and how he is . . . it tends to make you feel that you’ve abandoned yourself. You’re constantly catering to his situations or trying to fix him (and you can’t “fix him”).

While there is no quick fix for these problems, I have a Leaning Back exercise that can help you feel more in control of yourself and your love life.

Here’s how to get started (please click each link):

1. Practice the Pause.

2. Answer the following questions:

3.  Revisit why you chose him or to be in a relationship with him.

4.  Practice Widening Your View.

5.  Practice living an Irresistible life.

Give yourself a week to do this exercise (including each related link).

Use the next seven days to devote your energy exclusively to yourself.


1.  Feeling Romantic

2.  He’s Only Human

3.  When He Wants Space

4.  Drama – Emergency Leaning Back

5.  Situationship +



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Situationship +


A “Situationship” is an imaginary relationship.

Here’s another great definition:

“A situationship is kinda like a relationship, but more of a situation. Friends with benefits are in a situationship. People that are a ‘thing’ are in a situationship.

Many people have situationships with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

If two people are considered to be ‘ complicated ‘ they are most likely in a situationship.

If someone isn’t your boyfriend/girlfriend because of a fear of being labeled, they are definitely in a situationship!”

Urban Dictionary

But how do you avoid being in a Situationship . . . or Boo’d up” ?


Let’s talk about how not to get wrapped up in a man.
And if you’re already in deep, then let’s talk about widening your view and shifting your vibe to change the “situation.”


Yup, you’re absolutely leaning forward in some form.
I’m going to ask you to completely and totally lean back now . . . put the brakes on this situation!

If he’s not calling, not coming by, not making plans or ignoring you . . . let him be.

Really, it’s okay. He’s showing you his truth, and you should believe him. Ask yourself . . . Don’t you deserve better? Shouldn’t you be involved with a man who WANTS to call, come by, make plans and pay attention to you?

Don’t impose yourself on him. Don’t lean forward. Instead Lean back. When you’re leaning back, you’re receiving and responding. When you’re leaning back, you’re in touch with your feelings moment to moment when dealing with him or the situation.

Feeling his lack of attention, no matter how bad it feels, is going to be an eye opening experience. Rather than work yourself into being even more upset, why not search for the lesson in this experience? Were there any red flags you chose to ignore or honestly didn’t realize? Were you distracted by the thrill of it all and in your head instead of in your feelings?

Again, it’s okay to do nothing and just let nothing happen between you and him. This gives you the time and energy to get yourself out there to a meet a different kind of man, to pay closer attention to your intuition and to practice your tools.

So I’m asking you to accept his truth. Accept that he’s not on the same page as you. Accept that he’s either toxic, difficult or clueless (a good type would likely let you know he’s not really feeling a connection with you). And accept that he’s not for you.

What if you’re not sure? This is why I’m not a proponent of dumping a man outright. Ease out of it. Lean back. Take your time. No need for anything drastic (unless you’re in an abusive relationship).

When you’re not sure is the perfect opportunity to lean back, observe and truly receive what he’s giving. If he’s giving very little, you need to observe that.

Observing him also means not attacking him. It’s very important to stick to the don’t do list at this time. Don’t make him wrong. Don’t try to have “the talk” with him. Just observe (and journal if you need an outlet to write out your feelings, your fears, your thoughts or anything negative going on inside of you).

Enough with focusing on him! It’s time to turn your attention back to yourself. It’s time to feel good again. While you might not be in the mood, take baby steps towards having some enjoyment or pampering. Take care of yourself. Figure out what you need to make you feel your best again.

Another important aspect of this is understanding your needs. Do you need cuddling? Do you need regular contact? Write down these relationship needs so that you can refer back to this list the next time you’re feeling attracted to a man. Ask yourself, does/can he meet my true needs?

While you’re at it, picture your “happy ever after.” What is it you ultimately want in a relationship? Marriage? To grow old together? To travel the world together? To live together? What is it that you’re wanting to have deep in your heart and soul? Define it. Describe it. Embrace it.

Get unstuck from this one man. OMG, there are sooooo many great men out there. Ask yourself if you’re shutting yourself off from the possibilities and options that other men have to offer you.

This doesn’t mean that you need to start dating right away. Remember, it’s all about baby steps.

Lean back into your feminine and practice allow yourself to receive from men out in the world in your day-to-day travels and experiences.

Practice softening up and purposely smiling more. Feel the breeze and sunshine caressing your face. Enjoy a slow walk in a fragrant garden. Get into your senses and your feelings.

And when you notice men noticing you . . . let them look. Smile and hold eye contact for a few seconds. There’s nothing wrong with a little subtle flirting.

Nor is there anything wrong with having a conversation with a man who’s curious about you. Remember, there’s no commitment or obligation. It’s just a conversation and this is where you get to practice your tools!

Rather than give a man attitude for ignoring you, not calling or pulling away, give him warmth and distance instead. Meaning, lean back, step back and step away from him. Get back into your own schedule and let him be.

When he approaches you, be warm and inviting in your words and actions.

If you’re journaling and writing down your feelings, you’ll have already put together some feeling messages to share with him (recall from the “Scripting 101” email series that we always start with the good feelings first when speaking to a man).

Stay out of your head and in your feelings. Stay in the moment.

Do not lean forward in any way! Keep leaning back.

This combination of warmth (good feeling messages) and distance (leaning back) takes the sting out dealing with him and facing the truth that maybe he’s not the one.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: Go back and start again with Step One! Lean Back, Keep Aware Of Your Needs, Keep Aware Of Your Happy Ever After, Keep Your View Widened, Keep Your Own Schedule & Stay Leaning Back No Matter What.

By following these steps, you won’t end up in a “situationship” with him (or anyone else) ever again.














1.  Feeling Romantic

2.  He’s Only Human

3.  When He Wants Space

4.  Drama – Emergency Leaning Back

5.  Situationship +




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