The Other Woman Relationship

 

The Client . . .

She Was Married.

Her Husband Was Cheating On Her.  

She Followed Him To His Lover’s House And Confronted Him.

The Other Woman Grabbed A Stick And Hit Her Twice.

Her Husband Just Stood There.

She Got Back In Her Car And Drove Home.

At Work A Male Co-worker Asked About The Bruises On Her Face.

She Broke Down Crying.

She Told Him About Her Problems.

They Started Sharing Lunch Together Every Work Day.

He Co-signed For An Apartment So She Could Get Away From Her Husband.

He Stopped By On Weekends To “Check” On Her.

They Started Having Sex.

One Day He Said He Was In Love With Her And Wanted To Move In.

He Was Leaving His Frigid Wife And Getting A Divorce.

He Moved In.

She Divorced Her Husband.

Two Years Went By And He Still Was Not Divorced.

Always An Excuse. Always A Delay.

He Picked Up His Young Sons Every Sunday And Spent The Entire Day With Them.

A Third Year Went By.

One Sunday Morning He Told Her He was Going Back To His Marriage.

He’d Been Spending Time With His Wife Every Sunday And They Decided To Try Again For The Sake Of The Kids.

He Admitted He’d Been Sleeping With His Wife Every Sunday.

She Called A Locksmith So He Could Not Get Back In.

Two Weeks Later He Came By – Late Friday Night.

He Said He’d Made A Huge Mistake.

They Talked.

She Sent Him Home.

He Keeps Calling.

He Wants To Work Things Out.

She’s Confused, Hurt And Lonely.

She Wants To Get Him Back From His Wife.

Can I Help Her?

Still Sleeping With His Wife

“Janice” First Contacted Me Wanting To Know How To Get Her Lover Back From His Wife . . .

I Refused.

Halfway Through Our Relationship Repair Consultation, I Told Janice She Was At A Dead End And Was In An Imaginary Relationship With A Difficult Type Of Man.

I Explained That I Could Help Her Get Herself Together And Work Through The Confusion And Pain.

She Hung Up On Me.

Janice Emailed Me A Week Later.

She Apologized For Ending Our Coaching Session Like She Did.

She Had Slept With Him And Didn’t Know What To Do.

We Starting Coaching Sessions That Day.

 

I’ve Been Coaching Janice For Over Two Months Now.

Last Month He Took Her With Him To Hire A Divorce Lawyer.

She Still Refused To Let Him Move Back In With Her.

He Got An Apartment On His Own.

He Asked Her To Go To Therapy With Him.

She Told Him He Should Go On His Own.

During Our Latest Session, Janice Talked About All That She’s Thankful For.

She’s Keeping Her Options Open.

She’s Leaning Back And Focusing On Herself.

She’s Learning A New Approach To Love.

She’s Meeting  & Dating Other Men.

She’s In A Much Better Place Than She Was The Day She Hung Up On Me.


Janice Asked Me To Share Her Situation On My Blog For Other Women Facing This Kind Of Heartache

Because The Holidays Always Felt Hopeless To Her, But Not Anymore.

Also, Check Out These Articles.

Coach Carrie StansfieldWhen The Man You Love Is Married.”

Rori Raye “Misery With A Married Man.”

Psychology Today “Why Married Men Cheat.”

 

Video clips on the topic:

The Real 1

The Real 2

Ayope Tv

Julie Nolke

Ayana Fite

Breeny Lee

 

Love,

Tatia

 

Situationship Leaning Back Handbook

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 Comments

  1. Tee on December 31, 2014 at 12:39 am

    I’m starting to wonder if my relationship is imaginary :/

    • Tatia on December 31, 2014 at 4:27 pm

      Hi Tee:
      The quickest cure for an imaginary relationship (Situationship) is to become UN-EXCLUSIVE
      and start circular dating.

      And this is done merely with a shift in your focus!
      No drama required!

      Becoming unexclusive is simply understanding
      that this is not a relationship that’s going to meet your needs
      and so you begin to consider your options
      in getting your needs met.

      You don’t have to leave him or break up with him.

      He’s just another man in your rotation (see link below).

      As you may already be aware,
      My mantra is Lean back
      and then focus on you.

      Leaning back creates the space for him to step up and meet your needs.

      At the same time,
      you’re creating space that allows another (better) man
      to step up and meet your needs.

      And all the while you’re keeping your focus on yourself,
      not getting saturated and lost in any man or any relationship.

      So this doesn’t mean that you have a conversation with him (like “the talk”)
      or that you stop taking his calls, etc.

      You start to widen your view and notice the men who are noticing you.

      Check out these links:
      Interacting With Men

      Keeping The Focus On You

      Email me to follow up.
      I’m here if you need me.

      Love,

      Tatia

  2. Tee on December 31, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Thanks for responding! Not sure about dating other men. I’ve known my Significant Other for over 20 years, we live together and have a 16 month old son. My problem is that I treated him like the prize, I chased him and was very much into my boy energy.

    Now I’m seeing the “damage” of pursuing him. We didn’t start out that way. I was living my life, just BEING in my female energy. He pursued me, wanted to get married in high school, etc. Things were great but then my self esteem dropped and my energies shifted to where I was now after him.

    We both agreed that things were best while in high school when he was pursuing me and i wasnt such a drag lol yet here we are.

    I feel he does love us but we’re stuck in a pattern. I’ve enabled, spoiled and babied this man for so long that I fear he has no clue or desire how to tap back into his masculine energy. Just as I’ve made him my life, I’m trying to now find who I am outside of him. I’m tired of the struggle, both inner and outer.

    I do feel myself slowly regaining strength and power but only as a result of being pissed off. When he does something right/nice for a few days, I fall right back into the old habit of us.

    I don’t so much chase him, I think I tend to monitor him, ask questions which might imply distrust, I believe I do have alot of victimness/martyr stuff going on along with trust/abandonment issues. I feel like I have to always be on guard since he appears to take advantage.

    I don’t know if he’s always been this way but I was too caught up in the chase to see it or if he’s become this way because I’ve made it quite evident that I’d put up with whatever he’d dish out because I loved him?

    Sorry for the novel lol but he and I recently hit a snag after he’s been doing so well! So frustrating :/

    • Tatia on December 31, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      Hi Tee:
      Loving your response.
      As Rori would say, “Brava to you girl!”
      I Love how you get right to embracing your past of chasing him.
      The change starts with you and you’re clearly on your way!
      And Guess what?
      You don’t have to “date” other guys!
      All that’s required is an awareness, noticing, receiving and responding. NOTHING ELSE.
      It’s based on what you’re comfortable with and what makes you feel great.
      The term “circular dating” is misleading at first glance.
      It’s actually about your feminine power out there in the world . . .
      at the post office, at the supermarket, at a restaurant, at the bank . . .
      It’s your awareness of this feminine power in action and the reaction of people around you to it.
      I think this video will give you a clearer explanation of how it’s not about “dating”

      Youtube Video

      Love,

      Tatia

      Happy New Year’s Eve!!

  3. Tee on January 3, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Hey Tatia,

    I’m enjoying the awareness and noticing my triggers. I’ve realized that I’m still trying to get his attention through words or actions.

    I know that I’m still new at this and that it requires dedication and patience. Some days I don’t believe I have it. I’m supposed to be circular dating myself and I keep slipping back into the habit of trying to see if he’s noticing anything different about me that would cause him to finally act right lol.

    My Significant Other is a high energy man who seems to require constant entertainment. I believe he has a touch of adhd and it can sometimes be fun, other times exhausting as it can make me feel like I’m not enough when he still wants to be out after spending time with the family.

    I feel like I’m always competing for his attention, he doesn’t understand of course. I feel like whenever I talk to him, I’m really just begging.

    I know that our problems are not solely his fault. I need to build confidence, self esteem, my own life and interests. I’m slowly cultivating that but it feels like I’m only doing it to get him to notice me.

    My friends are getting sick of me. They think that my SO is this great guy who’s just overactive and all I need to do is keep him busy. It’s just too much lol I want to be his wife, his love, his inspiration, not his social director. This is hard.

    If only I could keep my emotions in check.

    • Tatia on January 4, 2015 at 2:53 pm

      Hi Tee:

      It’s natural to slip back into old habits. That’s the beauty of the process of reconnecting With Your Feminine Power!

      It’s okay to notice him. Just keep the focus on you. Stay in your feelings. Ask yourself at that moment when you’re wondering what’s going on in his head “what am I feeling?” “where do I feel it in my body?” “what does it feel like to me?” This is one of the quickest ways to shift your focus back to yourself.

      Be gentle with yourself. When you find yourself focusing on him and his needs, gently embrace yourself, let yourself know it’s okay, and then gently shift your focus back to you. Center your thoughts on yourself (if you can’t get out of your head and into your feelings). This is when Your List comes in handy.

      Next, ask yourself what does it feel like to compete for his attention? Does that feel like you’re leaning forward using masculine power, or leaning back into your feminine power?

      Ask yourself what does it feel like to beg for his attention and to try to get him to notice you?

      Your emotions are what are helping you and fueling you to improve your relationship, so embrace them. And realize that you are in control of you! It all starts on the inside Tee. So stick with your feelings and embrace them as you experience them.

      Focusing on yourself (taking your thoughts off of him, what he likes, how he acts, what he does and what he wants) is what you’re working on right now.

      Remember, be gentle with yourself.

      Love,

      Tatia

  4. Tatia on January 4, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    Hi Tee:

    It’s natural to slip back into old habits. That’s the beauty of the process of reconnecting With Your Feminine Power!

    It’s okay to notice him. Just keep the focus on you. Stay in your feelings. Ask yourself at that moment when you’re wondering what’s going on in his head “what am I feeling?” “where do I feel it in my body?” “what does it feel like to me?” This is one of the quickest ways to shift your focus back to yourself.

    Be gentle with yourself. When you find yourself focusing on him and his needs, gently embrace yourself, let yourself know it’s okay, and then gently shift your focus back to you. Center your thoughts on yourself (if you can’t get out of your head and into your feelings). This is when Your List comes in handy.

    Next, ask yourself what does it feel like to compete for his attention? Does that feel like you’re leaning forward using masculine power, or leaning back into your feminine power?

    Ask yourself what does it feel like to beg for his attention and to try to get him to notice you?

    Your emotions are what are helping you and fueling you to improve your relationship, so embrace them. And realize that you are in control of you! It all starts on the inside Tee. So stick with your feelings and embrace them as you experience them.

    Focusing on yourself (taking your thoughts off of him, what he likes, how he acts, what he does and what he wants) is what you’re working on right now.

    Remember, be gentle with yourself.

    Love,

    Tatia

  5. Tee on January 12, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    Wow! I guess the Universe felt that I needed to read this again since it showed up in my Inbox!

    Competing for his attention feels like too much work, it’s stupid! It’s masculine because I’m very much in my head trying to figure out how he’ll respond or if he’ll respond, etc.

    Then once I “win” what I’m after, there’s no real joy in it because I know he gave in because I had a fit. Then I spend the rest of the evening feeling guilty or tense because I suspect he’d rather be anywhere else and maybe he would be if I hadn’t yelled/guilted him into it. So I didn’t really succeed in getting what I truly wanted, not really.

    I want him to Want to make plans with me, to Want to hang out, etc.

    I’m trying to be gentle and patient.

    • Tatia on January 12, 2015 at 11:43 pm

      Tee:

      you’re on the right path!

      remember, you’re the prize!

      it’s your choice, always approach it that way.

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