What To Say To Him: Relationship Communication

he listens

Tatia BlogSo what do you say to a man when you’re leaning back into your Feminine Power? 

You’ve turned your focus on you, you’re following the rules of not making him wrong or trying to control him or the situation, you’re leaning back to allow him to come forward to make a connection, and you’ve processed your feelings.

Now that you’re aware of your feelings, go deeper.

Get in touch with the mixture of feelings you’re experiencing at that very moment.

Be present and aware of yourself in his presence.

Speak to him based on your true and deepest feelings at that moment.

#whattosaytohim

 

 

If you’re not familiar with speaking from your feelings, or if you’re out of practice, then whenever you’re ready, just  start here: LOVE WORDS

Love,

Tatia

 

LOVE WORDS

 

 

 

P.S.

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Leaning Forward With A Man

6 Comments

  1. Yvette on January 7, 2015 at 2:33 am

    Hi Tatia,
    I feel confused and frustrated.
    I feel confused about what it means in the Rori Raye method when ‘talking about relationship’.
    I am currently single and since getting your ebook for christmas Circular Dating is SOOO much easier and more fun!
    I feel so giggly and excited by just how many men are around that I never noticed before!
    I understand that using the Rori Raye method, it’s not encouraged to initiate talks with him about the relationship.
    That feels okay with me, I feel relieved actually.

    What I don’t understand is what you actually mean by talking about the relationship?
    Do you mean things like – “Where is this going? How are you feeling about us?” etc?
    Where I feel stuck is, I’m having instances arise where I would like to respond with a feeling message but hesitate or don’t because I’m unsure if it qualifies as ‘talking about the relationship.’
    Then I feel unsure and awkward and up in my head – doesn’t feel good.

    For example if a man comes and picks me up and texts me that “he’s here” I want to text back “I feel sad when I walk out to the car by myself.” and then go and do something (clean out my handbag) and if he comes and gets me, great!
    Another example is picking food, if he’s looking at restraunts in the area and asks where I’d like to go, I’d like to respond with “ohh I feel like italian or japanese!” (is this okay? Seeing as I’m not saying, “lets go to Bob’s!”)

    In a nutshell Tatia, I’d love to understand:
    – What do you specifically mean by ‘talking about the relationship’?
    – The things like my examples above that are part of relationship – are we able to share feeling messages about those?
    – And I’d would actually love to know – Are we able to ask him what he THINKS of us? Or is this Talking about the relationship?

    I would really love to hear your thoughts Tatia, my understanding of the Rori Raye method has REALLY come together since finding your blog and resources, I feel so much more clear and confident and calm about it all.
    Thank you so much.

    Best Wishes,
    Yvette

    • Tatia D on January 7, 2015 at 11:54 am

      Hi Yvette:

      Thank you so much, and I’m glad you’re enjoying the E-Book & Video Program and finding them helpful with Circular Dating. I’m feeling warm and happy!

      You are correct in your example of talking about the relationship such as ‘how do you feel about me,’ ‘where is this going’ and ‘how do you feel about us.’

      You have a beautiful understanding of leaning back and using feeling messages and you’re doing wonderful at it!

      For your being picked up example, I would tweak it a bit to express a positive feelings. Yes, you may feel sad, but remember, there are a mixture of feelings going on inside of you at any one time (check out the stewing pot example in my free report (Reconnect With Your Feminine Power). So pick a positive feeling and use that in your feelings message. Something like “it would feel so sweet to be walked to your car.

      For your restaurant example you are 100% correct! It’s fine to say what food would feel good to you! It’s all about expressing your feelings to him. You could also say “I don’t want . . . ” That’s fine as well.

      Now let’s address talking about the relationship, his feelings about you all being together.

      Let me ask you . . .
      Why query him?
      Why not give him space and time to express himself to you how and when he wants to express himself?

      YOU are the STAR of this show.
      He’s your co-star.
      It’s all about you.

      So, if you’re the star of the show and it’s all about you, YOU must focus on YOU.

      This means you’re not focused on the relationship!

      Yup, you read that right! You’re Not Focused On The Relationship.

      And you’re not focused on him. What he thinks, what he says, what he does, what he doesn’t do, what he likes, what he might like, what he’s up to, where he’s been . . . nope, none nada.

      (I know that’s not easy, lol, but this is what the feminine power, circular dating and leaning back process are all about!)

      So there’s no need to discuss the relationship with him. Lean back and observe his actions and his words. Keep the focus on yourself.

      Keeping the focus on you is about keeping your own schedule doing the things you like to do.

      It’s also about the different levels of interacting with men that are in my e-book/video program.

      There’s a lot to keep you busy and focusing on yourself and enjoying yourself.

      So focusing on yourself combined with leaning back will allow him to be intrigued by you and step towards you to close the distance. Remember, men tend to come in close and then step back to do “man” stuff, whatever that is for him. This is when it’s the hardest to keep leaning back. But focusing on yourself is the key at this point.

      I know I went off on a tangent there.

      So talking about the relationship sounds just like you wrote. You don’t want to ask him about how he feels about the relationship, you don’t want to ask him ‘where there is going.’

      There are other feeling messages you can use to express what you feel and what you want and don’t want. And there’s the no girlfriend speech where you’re telling him what your long term goals are, that you want to be a wife and not a girlfriend so you want to keep your options open.

      NOTE: That speech is for a particular situation so I’m not suggesting you use it, just making you aware of the many different things you can say to let him know what you want in your life without putting any pressure on him. When you’re ready, schedule a coaching session so we can work on some feeling messages and speeches tailored just for your situation.

      Now, let me answer your last question directly.

      Asking him about how he feels about you is leaning forward. And it’s not focusing on you but him.

      Asking him about where the relationship is going is leaning forward and focusing on him and the relationship rather than focusing on yourself.

      Instead, You can tell him how you feel. Like, “I feel so fabulous when we spend time together on Saturday nights. It makes me feel so warm, tingly and sensual.” (You’d use your own words, I get deep with feeling messages, lol).

      You could also say something like “When you look at me like that it just makes me melt even more.

      Are seeing the pattern here? It’s responding to what he does (and says) to you and with you using your feelings. These are “relationship” things. And you’re complimenting him! You’re letting him know that he’s pleasing you!

      This is what men want to do . . . please you and know you’re pleased.

      And it’s all leaning back, focusing on your feelings and expressing your positive feelings to him.

      He won’t be able to resist you 😉

      Love,

      Tatia

  2. Yvette on January 9, 2015 at 8:38 am

    Hi Tatia!
    Oh my gosh!! I felt electric reading your reply! I feel like I finally REALLY get what you mean by ‘Focusing on Me.’
    I would be around a man, attempting to lean back and I could never work out why I was feeling so rotten despite using feeling messages.
    I would be checking in with my feelings now and again but I didn’t realise just how much I was focused on him (specifically – if he finds me attractive, if he wants me, if he is feeling good etc).
    Thank you! I printed out what you said and stuck it in my journal. I feel chuffed! 🙂
    The rest of your suggestions feel so much clearer now that I understand that better.

    I feel curious about the tweak you suggested about the walking to the car example.
    Are you saying we’re allowed to vocalise what we want, providing it isn’t in a suggestion format (also complying to the rest of the respecting the masculine principles also: coaxing, innocent question etc)?
    Eg: Want to grab a coffee? vs Mmmm I’m craving a coffee

    Does that mean I can say, “Ohh I’d love to go see that movie!” – Provided I really do actually want to see the movie (with or without him) and am not just saying it like that in an attempt to get him to take me?

    What about, “I feel like stretching my legs and going for a walk, I’d love to walk beside you and chat.” – is this alright? I really want to hear what you think about this, I feel so insecure about saying anything like this to a man, I feel anxious it is ‘leading events’.
    Am I allowed to say “I want to see you”?

    Also, regarding your free consultation (and any other coaching for that matter) would it be possible to email you briefly before hand to let you know what we’d like some help with?

    Thank you so much for your considered and encouraging response Tatia, I’m feeling so much better about it all, I feel much stronger and clearer. Thank you.

    Best Wishes,
    Yvette

    • Tatia on January 12, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      Hi Yvette:

      Yes, if you’re saying what you feel you can use the feeling message I gave you for the walking to the car example.

      The coffee example would be more like “I’m feeling a warm coffee right now, hot and sweet on my lips.” You could also say “I feel a craving for coffee.

      I feel so curious about that new movie, I’d love to see it.

      I feel like taking a walk to stretch my legs, what do you think?

      Yes, once you schedule your coaching session we can start working on whatever scripts you want!

      I feel happy this was all helpful for you!

      Love,

      Tatia

  3. Nicole on January 5, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    Hello,

    I have a boyfriend of three months and I feel like in the beginning he was pulling out all of the stops to make sure I knew that he wanted to be with me (flowers, driving an hour to my office and home just to be around me for a little while, making plans…etc). Now that we are officially in a relationship he’s still very sweet but it has become very routine (go to his house, go to dinner, watch tv, go to sleep..etc) and I think now that he “has me” he feels safe.

    For example we are supposed to go to Mammoth mountain to snowboard and we need a rental car. Normally he would’ve taken care of all of this but he hasn’t made any steps to. So I looked up prices and told him and he said ok. I know this is leaning forward but what else do I do? Usually he would have said give me the number and I’ll reserve it. So I thought ok uh what’s going on? I told him I need his credit card and he didn’t respond. So I’ll have to basically put in on my credit card. This is so unlike him. I asked if he still wanted to go and he said definitely.

    I think I need to start leaning back but I don’t know what that actually looks like in a relationship. I don’t want him to think I don’t care anymore. If I don’t plan something then we will do nothing. He just sent me a text saying “Have you seen (whatever the name of a tv show is)? If you like it we should watch it together.” That’s all fine but I don’t want this to turn into a friendship only situation. How can I start leaning back in this relationship?

    • Tatia on January 6, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      Hi Nicole:

      I totally get what you’re experiencing in your relationship, and Kudos to you for feeling the need to lean back!

      LEANING BACK
      The first thing to remember is that leaning back is not a “bad” thing or some kind of punishment for him.
      Leaning back is getting deeper into your feminine – and he ENJOYS your feminine energy, so it’s something good for the relationship.

      FEELING MESSAGES
      It seems like a missing piece for you in this situation is using feeling messages.
      When you’re in a situation and you don’t know how to speak to him about it, you use a feeling message
      (which is sharing your feelings with him in order to address a situation or concern)
      (click here to read more about Feeling Messages)

      For example, when he mentions a tv show he’d like to watch with you, your feeling message in response might be
      “That would be great. It feels so nice to spend time together doing something fun.”

      When you’re feeling something not so positive, then you need to start off with a good feeling (or experience)
      and then mention that you also feel ___________ about ___________ and when would be a good time for the two of you to talk about it.

      FOCUS ON YOU
      The second thing is to remember to keep your own focus on YOU, rather than focusing on the relationship or him.
      If he makes plans and does not follow up by scheduling/paying, that’s fine. Just let it happen.
      It’s going to feel weird at first, to just let things go undone, but it’s soooooo important when you’re leaning back.
      Making things happen and “doing” things in your relationship is leaning forward (that’s your masculine energy).

      APPRECIATION
      The third thing I’d like you to consider is giving more attention to what he does that you enjoy and that makes you feel good.
      This is about appreciating him and showing your appreciation
      (read more about appreciation here).

      Hope this helps!

      Love,

      Tatia

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