Your Sex Rules

Your Own Sex Rules

 Dear Coach Tatia:

Been dating Stephan for 3 months.  We have a good connection.  He wants to have sex.  I want to. But not yet.  I feel like a slut sleeping with him this soon.  But I want to.  I get really shy about sex.  We’ve had oral sex and I did like you said in your post about moving his hand where it feels good to me.  He understood and said let me know when youre ready.  I will feel like a hoe saying okay its time, we can have sex. What do I say to him when Im ready to go all the way (Im not a virgin, Ive just been mistreated by men before).  Stephan is nice man.  I dont think he just wants sex.  Im almost ready. What do I say when Im  ready? I wan to script.  Hanna


Dear Hanna:

I really get what you’re going through with the conflicting feelings about sex.

The key to feeling better about this, and putting together a feeling message is in knowing your boundaries.

What you’re experiencing is something a lot of women do unconsciously . . .

We put up a wall under the guise of “Sex Rules.”

Walls are Masculine!

The beautiful thing is that you don’t need walls in order to have your own personal rules!

Your personal rules about sex are based on your boundaries and your feelings.


So let’s start at the beginning:

What are you feeling?

— that it’s too soon?

— that you’ll be judged (by you) for sleeping with him so soon?

How does it feel to feel this way?

— is it a negative feeling?

Explore your feelings about this.

Write your honest feelings down (you’ll use this later).


What Does Sexual Exclusivity Mean To You?

Do you want sexual exclusivity?

(meaning that you and a man are sleeping with no one else)

How does the idea of sexual exclusivity feel to you?

Sexual exclusivity is not a forever commitment. 

It is a for now commitment.

Meaning, that for now, you and he agree to not sleep with any other people.  

This is a temporary situation and can be changed by either of you.



(1) Let’s Start On Your Boundaries:

Your Boundaries are about knowing yourself.

What don’t you want to feel?

What doesn’t feel good to you?

What are some red flags you’ve experienced or feel strongly about?

What are your relationship deal breakers?

Write these down.


(2) Being In Your Feminine Power:

Your Feminine Power is about not being masculine around a man.

(Here’s more about being masculine)

When you’re with a man, you want to speak and act based on your feelings.

A great way to do this is to Lean back.

Practice leaning back.


(3) Focus On Staying In The Moment From Now On:

Sensuality is about being in the moment.

Sensuality is about always being aware of what feels good to you.

Sensuality requires you to be aware of your feelings, rather than focused on the thoughts in your head.

Practice being sensual.


(4) Finally, Understand Your Sex Rules:

In a nutshell, your sex rules are a set of  fluid rules, not something written in stone.

They are:

An understanding of your boundaries,

a consideration of what sexual exclusivity means to you personally,

and at the same time being in your feelings and sensuality in that moment.


Hanna, the point is, your sex rules will vary with each situation.  

They are a fluid set of rules based on your feelings and beliefs.

If you don’t feel good about sleeping with him just yet, then that’s okay.

Explore your feelings, your sensuality and where you stand on sexual exclusivity.

This is about being sensual instead of sexual.

Sensual is being into your feelings.

Be in the moment when you’re with him and stay in your feelings.

You may want to talk to him about your feelings before that right moment happens.


You can learn even more feminine rules and practices at the ACADEMY.








Leave a Comment