Feminine Power Guide

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I am a powerful woman.
Now, what exactly does that mean?
To me, it means that my Feminine Power is balanced with my Masculine Power.
At this point in my life, I’m passionate about my Feminine Power.
I’m connected to it and I live in it moment to moment.
I never let it go or lose it in any situation or relationship . . . Well, not anymore . . .
You see, it wasn’t always this way . . . there was a time that I was disconnected from my Feminine Power and existing primarily in my Masculine Power.

Let me tell you a little bit about who I am: I’m a “type A” “get it done” “I want it right now not later” kind of woman. I’m a very competitive-minded New York attorney. I’m a relentless entrepreneur. I’m a natural leader. I can be very forceful. I can be pushy. I’m strong minded. I’m smart. I’m beautiful, inside and out (and I know it). I’m sexy. I’m sensual.

But NONE of these traits triggers a man’s emotional desire for me! That’s because all of those wonderfully strong and powerful traits are my Masculine Power. YES, ALL OF IT! My Masculine Power is all about my doing stuff. My “getting things done” and “making things happen” power.

My Feminine Power, on the other hand, is about music. It’s about sunshine and feeling good and just being. It’s about my feelings. It’s about the things that I feel as I feel them. And it’s about my honesty with myself about my feelings. It’s about not acting on my feelings but instead speaking my truth – saying what I truly feel.

My Feminine Power is about doing nothing yet being magnetizing, alluring and mysterious. My Feminine Power is about attracting and drawing others to me by just being me. My Feminine Power is what triggers a man’s emotional desire for me! I magnetize men by being in my Feminine Power! In my Feminine Power, I am simply, irresistible.

So a few years ago I began the journey of reconnecting with my Feminine Power. The first thing I learned was the natural balance between my feminine and masculine energy. I learned how to stop the internal power struggle, how to use my Masculine Power to do the business things I needed to do and how to let my Masculine Power get me to where my Feminine Power could just shine! I learned how to allow my Feminine Power to guide my words and actions through a constant awareness of my feelings.

The results of everything I learned were immediate! I found a way to still be an aggressive and competitive attorney while being irresistible to a man, continuously desired by him and deeply connected with him. I was finally able to have the kind of love I wanted! Being reconnected with my Feminine Power, I was able to stop the cycle of dead-end relationships, stop being involved with one toxic man/emotionally unavailable man after another, and stop pushing away good men.

Today, I’m living my best life. I’m experiencing love in a beautiful, delicious, positive and powerful way. It’s a different kind of life I’m living because I’m reconnected with my Feminine Power.

Now I’m sharing all that I learned with YOU!
The beauty of being a Coach is that I can make a difference . . . I can help other strong, smart, gorgeous, sexy and sensual women reconnect with their Feminine Power, live a delicious lifestyle and have the kind of love they want! Seven Steps To Reconnect With Your Feminine Power
Based on my training, and using the Rori Raye Method, I developed seven simple steps to reconnect with your Feminine Power: Power, Vulnerability, Understanding, Awareness, Inner Strength, Tenderness and Opportunity. I coach my clients to:
1. Feel Your Power, exist in it and experience it.
2. Embrace your Vulnerability.
3. Understand the Connection of Feminine with Masculine Power.
4. Awareness of when you’re in your Feminine Power and when you’re not.
5. Build on your Inner Strength.
6. Tap in to your Tenderness.
7. Utilize Opportunity. Step One
FEEL YOUR POWER, EXIST IN IT AND EXPERIENCE IT

Power in the Energy Connection: Feminine Power and Masculine Power have a natural Energy Connection. When a man and woman share a moment, an hour, a date, a relationship or even a life together, they’re in an Energy Connection. Imagine a small bubble, and imagine two hearts tightly fitting into that bubble. In the image below, the pink heart on the left represents the woman (Feminine Power) and the blue heart on the right represents the man (Masculine Power).

The natural connection between the pink heart and the blue heart involves the pink heart moving away from the blue heart, creating a space between them. In the image below, you see that the pink heart is leaning back towards the left, in the opposite direction of the blue heart.

The natural movement of the blue heart in the Energy Connection is to lean forward, towards the pink heart, closing in the space created by the pink heart leaning back. The blue heart naturally leans forward towards the pink heart so that there is no space between them. As the image below demonstrates, the blue heart leans forward and closes up any space between them.

This is the Energy Connection between a man (masculine energy) and a woman (feminine energy).

However, when the pink heart doesn’t lean back and away from the blue heart, but instead leans forward and moves towards the blue heart, the movement within the Energy Connection is reversed. Once the pink heart leans forward towards the blue heart, there’s no space for the blue heart to move towards the pink heart. So this reversal causes the blue heart to move away from the pink heart.

As noted in this image, the forward movement of the pink heart reverses the natural Energy Connection and causes the blue heart to move away from the pink heart and even outside of the Energy Connection.

So Step One to reconnecting with your Feminine Power requires you to feel your power leaning back and away from a man, not using any of your Masculine Power (such as initiating contact, doing stuff, making plans), and to get comfortable existing in your Feminine Power by allowing a man to initiate. While it takes some practice, you’ll experience immediate results Leaning Back!

Step Two
EMBRACE YOUR VULNERABILITY

Stopping Your Old Patterns and Focusing on You: As you get accustomed to leaning back into your Feminine Power, you’re going to realize how much you’ve been leaning forward! Don’t beat yourself up over it . . . instead, just embrace it and use that reflection to become more aware of those old patterns.

Your old patterns were like a wall you put up (using your Masculine Power) to protect yourself. Now that you’re reconnecting to your Feminine Power, your “wall,” which is your boundaries and your strength, is going to be on your inside. Instead of being soft on the inside and strong on the outside, your strength will be inside of you – your core – and your softness will surround your core on the outside. This power structure of strong on the inside and soft on the outside allows you to be touchable, reachable, alluring, magnetic and inviting; and at the same time strong, sturdy, solid and steady.

Combining this power structure of strong on the inside and soft on the outside with leaning back creates Step Two in reconnecting with your Feminine Power. You’re now being vulnerable. You’re giving up making things happen with a man, in a date or in a relationship. Being vulnerable is about opening up to yourself and exploring what you’re feeling – you’re no longer allowing people or situations to affect you randomly because you’re embracing your experiences and facing your resulting feelings.
Being vulnerable is showing what’s really going on with you rather than masking it up behind a smile, or disguising it by talking about something unrelated to what you’re really feeling inside. Here’s an example – No-call No-show 8:00 Dinner: You and a man have plans to go to dinner at 8:00. It’s 6:30 and he hasn’t contacted you about what time he’s picking you up.

An old pattern might be to call him and ask “are we still on?” Now, however, leaning back, you wouldn’t call (or text) him. You’d have a back-up plan in case your plans with him fall through, and if you don’t hear from him by 8:00, then proceed with your back-up plan. Of course, you may be upset by his being a no-call no-show for dinner, but in embracing your vulnerability you’re going to experience being upset! You’re not going to hide this feeling. You’re not going to mask it or dress it up to look like something else. And, you’re not going to let his no-call no-show affect your mood (feelings) for the rest of the night . . . Remember your back up plan?

This approach keeps you focused on you, what you feel, what you like and what you want (or don’t want), rather than making any of it about him and what he did or didn’t do. I also suggest my clients create what I call “The List,” which is a list of things you like to do that you enjoy and that make you feel good.

The List must include things that you can do quickly and on the spot (such as painting your nails, cleaning out your purse, rearranging your closet, or petting your cat/dog). Once you have about ten immediate things listed, you can then add more to it such as taking a walk, cooking, going to a café, taking a class or anything else you enjoy doing. The purpose of The List is to have a collection of things to do in those moments when you find your focus shifting from yourself onto a man, a relationship or a situation.

Step Three
UNDERSTAND THE CONNECTION OF FEMININE WITH MASCULINE POWER

Letting A Man Pursue You: Let’s recap what we learned in Step One: when you Lean Back, a man will come forward towards you, closing up the space created between you by your leaning back. Practicing this is going to feel weird at first. You may experience an internal struggle of wanting to continue making things happen, getting things done and managing your relationship/dating/marriage. But remember, all of those things are Masculine Power actions. Feminine Power in the Energy Connection does nothing except just be, experience the moment, lean back and receive from him and respond in a feminine way.

Now, let’s talk about receiving. If you’re anything like I was, you give, give, give and give more. Not just to the man in your life, but to everyone. Step Three to reconnecting with your Feminine Power is about receiving. When you’re leaning back, you’re in a position to receive. Doing nothing, just being, experiencing the moment and receiving requires you to understand that when you lean back, a man is naturally drawn to you.

But, when you lean forward, it reverses the natural flow of the Energy Connection between Masculine and Feminine Power- meaning, a man will not move towards you.

It may sound old fashioned to say “let a man pursue you,” but on the other hand, how does it feel to know that leaning forward, giving and making things happen causes him to leave the Energy Connection?

When a man leaves the Energy Connection, it’s the equivalent of him not calling, of him spending less time with you, of him ignoring you, of him seeing other women – and of him withdrawing! We’ve all experienced it.

Letting a man pursue you is nothing more than leaning back and letting him come towards you.

As you practice leaning back, you’ll begin to recognize the difference between what’s leaning forward and what’s not.

Step Four
AWARENESS OF WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR FEMININE AND WHEN YOU’RE NOT

Allowing Connection With A Man: Connecting with a man means that you’re leaning back and allowing him to come towards you. What he does once he closes in the space and reaches you is connection. You must lean back. This is something that’s going to require you to change your approach to men. It’s shifting from functioning from your Masculine Power to now living in your Feminine Power.

Living in your Feminine Power requires that you ask yourself “am I doing, or am I just being and experiencing?”

It’s being aware of when you’re disconnected from your Feminine Power and acting from your Masculine Power.

Here’s a list of Don’t Do’s that will guarantee that you stay in your Feminine Power when dealing with a man:
(a) don’t try to control him;
(b) don’t try to control the situation or the outcome;
(c) don’t criticize him;
(d) don’t advise him (unless he asks);
(e) don’t judge him;
(f) don’t warn him;
(g) don’t coax him;
(h) don’t make suggestions to him;
(i) don’t complain;
(j) don’t pry;
(k) don’t use the word “you” when you talk to him; and
(l) accept his answer (for now).

Print this Don’t Do List and keep it in your purse. These are boundaries for you. These boundaries are about you, not about a man. Adhering to this list will help you stay in your Feminine Power and not slip back into any old patterns.

The Don’t Do List allows you to be aware of yourself while “being present” when you’re with a man. Being present simply means that you’re not in your head, but instead you’re there in the moment with him.

Feel what you feel. Feel your feelings in response to what he says and does. The beauty of it all is that you’re aware and In control of you. This awareness is a crucial step in reconnecting with your Feminine Power.

Step Five
BUILD ON YOUR INNER STRENGTH

Processing Your Feelings: Now that you’re at Step Five of reconnecting with your Feminine Power, you’re starting to feel changes in yourself and how you respond to a man. Step Five is about putting words to your feelings. I ask each of my clients to keep a small journal that can fit into a purse so that she can write down her feelings and experiences when they happen (or soon afterwards). The purpose of this is to build on recognizing and expressing her true feelings. Going back to the No-call No-show 8:00 dinner example that I gave in Step Two, there’s no denying that you might feel upset about a man making plans and then not contacting you or showing up. But you’d honestly feel more than anger. You might also feel disappointed, and at the same time you might feel happy because you wanted to see your best friend that night anyway! There’s always a mixture of feelings involved. The point is to recognize all of the feelings that you’re experiencing at that particular moment.

An easy way to approach recognizing all of your feelings at a given moment is to imagine a stewing pot . . . remember, the old fashioned cast iron pots with the heavy cast iron lids? Imagine that you’re making a stew or soup inside of this stewpot, full of fresh vegetables, herbs, spices and meat with a few potatoes or a little rice. Now imagine this stewing pot has all of your feelings in it as ingredients – angry, sad, mad, glad, happy, curious, wonderful and more. All of the ingredients are your feelings. When you spoon out a bit of the stew or soup, you get more than one ingredient, right? This is what Step Five is about, identifying the mixture of your feelings at a given moment.

The best way to do this is to slow down and experience each moment at a time.
Meaning that you focus and observe your environment, your body, your breathing (not your thoughts) and feel exactly what you’re feeling.

Examine each feeling and go a little deeper each time.

Step Six
TAP INTO YOUR TENDERNESS

Speaking Your True Feelings: Now that you’re experiencing your feelings by putting them into words and writing them down in your journal, it’s time to let your words and actions represent your feelings. So often we women stuff down our feelings and “put on a face” to cover up our pain, anger, disappointment or fear. Step Six is about stopping that and getting your truth out to the world, on your own terms!

Speaking your true feelings is about saying what you feel to a man. Going back to the No-call No-show 8:00 dinner example, if he called you at 9:00 while you were visiting with your best friend and asked “Where are you? What happened? Why didn’t you wait for me? I told you we were going out tonight.” Speaking your true feelings in response might sound something like “I felt disappointed not to meet up with you, but after 8:00 came and went, Betty and I connected. I haven’t seen her in weeks.”

When speaking your true feelings, remember the following points: (1) since you’re expressing your feelings, try starting off with I feel, it felt, it would feel or something with the word “feel” in it; (2) avoid using the word “you” since that makes the statement about him or what he did or didn’t do. The purpose in speaking your true feelings is to express what you feel, not to place blame, attack or argue; and (3) speak your more positive feelings . . . like I mentioned previously, in your stewpot of feelings – there’s more than one feelings going on! So find the more positive one, and start speaking from there.

I’m sure you’re thinking of a different choice of words for the above example . . . something a bit more stinging perhaps . . . something to let him know that what happened was unacceptable? And I’m sure that’s very reasonable in your mind.
So this is a good time to introduce you to your Negative Voice. Your Negative Voice is a part of you, it lives in your head and wants to protect you. It’s primarily a Masculine part of your personality. However, in order to reconnect with your Feminine Power, you’re going to need to turn down the volume on your Negative Voice. You don’t need to mute it out completely, just lower the volume so that it doesn’t interfere in your finding positive feelings to speak from. An easy way to lower the volume on your Negative Voice is to hear it, recognize it, and then move on to focus on something else. Something you’re passionate about . . . something you enjoy doing and being involved in that makes you burst into colors and shine from within. I know women who love to sing and are passionate about that. I have a friend who is an actress and she’s passionate about all things theater. What’s your Passion?
If you haven’t discovered your personal passion in life, or you haven’t devoted any time towards it (think “me time”), then Step Six is about tapping into that tender, glowing, positive and beautiful part of you and exploring it. Experience it. Journal about it. Speak it. Step Seven
UTILIZE OPPORTUNITY

The Good, The Clueless, The Difficult & The Toxic: I could write an entire book for Step Seven, because it’s about our interactions with the opposite sex. Step Seven is about changing your vocabulary and perception of the male species. From now on, in describing men, there’s no more Mr. Perfect, no more Bad Guy and no more Mr. Potential.

There’s only the good, the clueless, the difficult and the toxic (and the emotionally unavailable hybrid). But before we delve into the four kinds of men, let’s first be clear that this is a No Man-Bashing Zone. Instead, I advocate for showing appreciation by focusing on the good things that you like about a man.

How to show appreciation to a man: First, think of the GOOD qualities you like (enough to make a short list). Now, picture in your mind your man, or the man you’re interested in, or a man you’d be interested in. What qualities do you respect about him? What are the things he does that you appreciate? What are the things he does that you like? How would you express that feeling of appreciation to him in words? Finally, write out this Appreciation List, noting how you’d express your appreciation in words. If you are at a loss, then saying “thank you” (with a smile) is a great start.

If you still feel very little to appreciate about him after making your list, then tweak the way you respond to him on a gut level: be turned on by him when he makes you feel good by his actions and words, and be turned off from him when he makes you feel angry, sad, mad, etc. This looks like giving him the sexy smile with a “thank you, I feel so good when you __________,” after he makes you feel turned on, or “I don’t feel good – I don’t want to be here” (and then leave the room) when you feel turned off.

By taking these two approaches (the Appreciation List and being Turned-on/Turned-off), you’re not man-bashing. You’re not blaming. You’re not attacking. You’re not fighting. Instead, you’re responding and keeping the focus on you. When you come from a place of appreciation, it opens your heart up, and allows him to make a connection with you. By showing and speaking your appreciation to him, you’re leaning back, inviting him to close in the space and come towards you!

The four types of men are: the Good type, the Clueless type, the Difficult type and the Toxic type. Keep in mind that there’s also a hybrid type – an Emotionally Unavailable Guy (a clueless, difficult or toxic type who’s married, cheating, separated, a player, etc.)

The Good type is just what he sounds like! He knows how to treat you, how to pursue you and just knows what to do. He comes in all shapes, sizes, colors and flavors . . . all you have to do is choose!

The Clueless type is basically a Good type but he doesn’t know exactly what to do or how to treat you . . . he’s a work in progress and worth consideration.

The Difficult type is a bit different. He may know what to do, and how to treat you, but he doesn’t necessarily do it consistently, if at all. The Difficult type can have issues and drama in his life. He could be addicted to substances, alcohol, gambling or recovering. He could have a history of emotional or behavioral problems. This type has things to work out for himself and can’t focus on you.

The Toxic type knows exactly what he’s doing, means to do it and doesn’t mean you any good. This can be apparent in an abusive personality, in manipulative behavior and degrading speech.

I categorize men in this way not to direct you from or to any particular kind of guy (I do urge anyone in an abusive relationship to seek help and get away from him to safety), but to emphasize that you have a choice. Yes, you choose the man (he doesn’t chose you).

So Step Seven is about understanding who you attract and who you’re attracted to. Your ability to choose creates the opportunity of Step Seven!

Utilize your opportunities by being aware that you have a choice and what your choices are! Then start to explore these opportunities by being in your Feminine Power more frequently and around more people. Lean back when interacting with men and in different situations. I’d love to know about the different opportunities you experience!

CONCLUSION
Always remember that reconnecting with your Feminine Power is about creating a new approach and getting different results. It’s about making a change that can only start with you. I have so much more to tell you about utilizing your opportunities, the four kinds of guys, your Feminine Power and how to put words to your feelings. But coaching is as much a spoken art as it is the art of writing. Love & Light
Tatia Dee

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