How To Avoid “Ghosting”

YOUR CURRENT SITUATION . . .
Feminine energy woman What to do when a man disappears ghosting

He Ghosted Her

Dear Tatia

Bruce disappeared after a great weekend of skiing.
We were dating for 6 months and suddenly he is a no call no show ghost.
I have not heard from him for two weeks now. He did not respond to my text messages.
I leaned forward slightly and went somewhere he goes and saw him. 
I feel so confused and hurt.  How do I move forward from here with no closure?  
I feel to embarrassed to see our mutual friends any more.
Leaning back does not feel good right now.  

I want to know what to do to avoid this ever happening again. 

Much love and a big big ((((HUG)))) to you.
feminine energy big hug

Adjust you view when ghosted by a man

While the term “ghosting

has become very popular

to describe this type of phenomenon,

there’s nothing acceptable about it.

I have to call it like it is . . .

It’s rude, heartless and weak-minded (in my opinion).

But there’s another way of looking at this . . .

It’s a different view of this painful experience that helps you have a happier dating experience moving forward.

You see, Bruce had this weakness and rudeness in him all along.

Either you didn’t see it or you ignored it.

 

THE LESSON LEARNED

There’s a lesson in this situation for you.

The lesson is don’t give any man you’re not married to that kind of importance in your life.

The lesson boils down to learning the specifics of your relationship needs and boundaries.

Now, the exact formula of “giving a man importance in your life” is specific to you.

Dating is about exploring what type of love you want (your relationship needs).

It’s experiencing a man’s interest in you to feel whether or not he can meet your relationship needs.

It’s learning his style of relationship and how he makes you feel.

And it’s being aware of the things he does (or says) that don’t make you feel good (your boundaries).

 

THE TRUTH

The first thing to note is that a man who isn’t 100% into you or a long term commitment
isn’t going to meet your needs, and will often violate your boundaries.

And if you find yourself ignoring the fact that he’s not 100% into you, then you’re leaning forward rather than leaning back.

Leaning Forward Is More Than Ignoring The Truth.
It’s Doing Stuff. It’s Controlling.
It’s Controlling the Outcome.
It’s Making Things Happen.
It’s Having An Agenda.
It’s Being Masculine.

When you lean back, you avoid expecting something from him that he does not (or cannot) give.

When you lean back,
you allow a man to move the dating experience along (or not)
while you delve into your feelings about whether or not he meets your needs.

Leaning forward is trying to control the dating situation.

If you lean forward, then you’ll easily overlook the truth that he’s not 100% into you.

You’ll keep going along until the truth hits you.

This is when he’s disappeared (by ghosting or some other feeble, fickle and easy exit strategy).

 

LEANING BACK AVOIDS GHOSTING

GHOSTING is when a person stops responding to another’s calls
and lets them remain unanswered.

It’s basically cutting off a person by ignoring them and their attempts to communicate.

Leaning back avoids ghosting because you never give a man a reason to conjure up an abrupt exit strategy.

That’s because he’s the one who’s moving the dating relationship along and making it happen. 

If he doesn’t pursue you, then there’s no interaction for him to slink away from.
man ghosting feminine energy woman

You see, when you’re leaning back, he’s got to want things to happen with you AND make them happen.

But if you’re leaning forward with a man, then you can expect ghosting to happen to you.
If you’re making things happen then he’s just along for the ride.

When he’s no longer willing to take that ride, then he’s looking for a way to stop interacting with you.
That is when he suddenly disappears.

 

LEANING BACK IS KEEPING THE FOCUS ON YOU

Rather than focus on Bruce and what he did, I want you to focus on the message that this situation brought to you.

You see, he was a messenger of a very important reminder for you . . .

DON’T INVEST IN A MAN YOU’RE NOT MARRIED TO.

Investing in a man you’re not married to is ignoring your relationship needs and your boundaries.

Investing in a man you’re not married to is falling into a large, dark and murky rabbit hole . . .

exclusivity is for leaning back relationship with a man who steps up

This dismal emotional journey begins with being and feeling EXCLUSIVE with him.

Exclusivity is a dating trap we fall into with our eyes wide opened.

It’s creating a relationship in our minds.
It’s ignoring the feeling that he’s not 100% into you.
It’s rationalizing the red flags that you see.

If you can avoid this exclusivity trap, then you’ll never end up in the rabbit hole again.

And you’ll avoid being ghosted too.

Here’s what you need to remember . . . 

If he doesn’t actively seek
a long term and committed relationship with you
(i.e., marriage proposal, etc.),
then you can’t allow yourself to be exclusive with him,
NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM.

But keeping the focus on yourself while dating a man who has your hormones reeling isn’t easy.

That’s why I encourage you to keep practicing coaching tools like Leaning Back to help you stay firm to your boundaries.

Here’s how you can stay leaning back:

  • (1) make a list of what you truly want in a relationship
  • (2) remain open to the idea of receiving what you want from any man (not just one man)
  • (3) don’t beat yourself up for feeling out-of-sorts about other men being interested in you at the same time
  • (4) realize that your happiness doesn’t depend on any man and
  • (5) don’t lose touch with your honest feelings when you’re with him.

Feminie energy woman lean back into your sexy

Leaning back means remembering you’re a siren, a queen, a diva, a goddess!

It means treating yourself good.

It means eating nutritious food.

It means getting a little extra beauty sleep.

It means exercising to stay healthy.

It means revisiting your List Of Things You Enjoy.

It means discovering and exploring Your Passions in life.

It means knowing and honoring your needs.

HOW TO AVOID THE EXCLUSIVITY TRAP

The key to avoiding the exclusivity trap is in getting familiar with the process of INTERACTING WITH MEN and YOUR ROTATION OF MEN.circular dating rotation of men circle of interaction

Any man who is interesting in you and
seeks to communicate and spend time with you
is in the rotation of men that you interact with.

Try This:  Whenever you’re out and about, pay attention to the men who are noticing you. You don’t have to do anything more than notice them and perhaps smile at them.  This is called “widening your view” and will help you understand how a man enters your rotation of men.

Interacting with men is how your Rotation gets started.  

So a man in your rotation is any man:

Who’s Interested in You and Notices You,
Who’s Interested in and Communicating with You, 
Who’s Spending Time With You, and
Who You May be Intimately Involved With.

Feminine woman circular dating center of attentionEvery woman interacts with men on a daily basis.  The level of interaction determines where a man is in your rotation.

We all have men who are interested in us even though we may be involved with someone else.  The point is to be open to receiving the attention of different men, at the level you’re comfortable with.

THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS IS => Treating Them All The Same!

That means that no one man is more important than the others.

YOU are the important one!

THIS IS HOW YOUR ROTATION OF MEN WORKS: Any man who’s 100% into you will ask for more of your time . . . pushing out the opportunity for other men to spend more time with you.

You’ve got to keep leaning back, letting him seek out your time, explore whether he meets your needs, pay attention to whether he crosses any of your boundaries AND keep your rotation of men active.  You’ll treat him the same as any other man in your rotation and not make yourself exclusive with him or any other man.

You must let a man move the dating relationship along the path to a long term commitment (your bridge to happy ever after).

If a man can’t do this (or isn’t interested in a long term commitment), then he’ll ask for less of your time, and that will give the other men in your rotation the opportunity to seek more time to spend with you.  This is how you stay leaning back while managing your rotation of men!

This way, you’re aware of whether your needs are being met, honoring your boundaries, not falling into any exclusivity trap and avoiding a ghosting situation from ever happening again!

If you want more guided help, then schedule a 90 minute coaching session with me or join the ACADEMY for an online webinar coaching experience

circular dating academy for feminine energy women

Love,

Tatia

 

 

your sex rules

 

 

 

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